All posts by Sheila Morris

Sheila Morris is an essayist with humorist tendencies and a passion for photojournalism. She has two published memoirs and a third published essay collection and has been blogging for three years as her alter ego, The Red Man, her rescued Welsh terrier. She is a bi-stateual living in South Carolina and Texas with her partner Teresa and their three dogs Chelsea, Spike and Red. Please visit her other blog I'll Call It Like I See It by clicking on the top of Red's Rants and Raves!

A Donut By Any Other Name…

…is still a donut, if you don’t mind, but SOMEBODY has been to Troy’s Donuts around the corner on Hwy 105 from Worsham Street in Texas and not to Krispy Kreme on the Sumter Highway up the road from Casa de Canterbury.  Aha – BUSTED, you daffy old twit.

The Red Man knows his donut holes and will not tolerate the skullduggery of the old woman Slow – who is surprisingly easy to sniff out about her AWOL trips to the ‘Hood without permission from moi.  BTW, did she arrange for a substitute editor in her absence?  I think not.  Worthless.

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No KK has the deluxe trucks that Troy’s does so that’s a Donut Destination Revelation. Ha.  Foiled again.

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Oldest Huss Brother Oscar started Troy Tradition many moons ago with the old woman Slow.

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George, the youngest Huss Brother, thinks it was a good idea.

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Middle Huss Brother Dwight agrees as long as donuts are chocolate.

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But mostly, Dwight’s happiest about the ride on a fire truck…

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…while George discovers the horn honking experience.  Never underestimate the power of the kindness of strangers.

So Pretty seems thrilled to have Slow back at Casa de Canterbury this week and doesn’t even mind her middle of the night Australian Open viewings.  That Pretty has a lot more patience with her than I do.  As for me, I consider it to be rude to make an unscheduled trip to Worsham and I will do my best to punish her. Hm.

Get me outta here Percy.  I feel the urge to pee with a purpose…

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Huss Brothers on Worsham

 

We Must Protect This Casa

Sigh.  Well Amigos, the old woman Slow has gotten on my last nerve today with her incessant camera clicking, camera clicking, camera clicking and her gotcha, gotcha mumblings.

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Spike was on guard duty…

while I licked something very important

Clickety, click click

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Okay – we get it – you caught us dozing

Clickety, click, click

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Snapped to attention, okay?

Clickety click, click

So we have to guard Casa de Canterbury against marauders and other evil  persons in uniforms driving small white trucks with US Postal Service on them or large brown trucks saying UPS – nothing good comes from men in uniforms getting out of trucks that have U’s on the side and walking to our front door carrying packages.  God knows what could be in them. U could be the secret signal for Unload the Plague here.

We must protect this  casa at all costs…although, it’s not like we have the crown jewels or anything really important inside.  It’s the principle of the thing, if you catch my drift.  We are the first line of defense and we must be ever vigilant and ever alert.  No time for licking.

Get me outta here Percy – I think I see Slow coming with the camera again.  Catch you later, Sports Fans.  Beware the Devils in Disguise.

But of Course, the Winner is…

Well Amigos  the Glamour Awards Season began at Casa de Canterbury with the 72nd. Annual Golden Globes Awards on Sunday night…and yes, yes I’m sure the season really began last week with The People’s Choice Awards but the old woman Slow and Pretty care more about what the Hollywood Foreign Press Association think than what The People do.  Sad, but true.

The bleacher seats at our casa show our typical support for Slow and Pretty’s enthusiasm for the movies.

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Squirrel Chaser Spike on pins and needles

So we’re off and running on the Big Night with the Red Carpet interviews before the actual show.  We didn’t miss a thing…or two…

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Jennifer Lopez was a presenter

JLow wasn’t even nominated for anything, but she made a swell presenter.

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Piper from Orange is the New Black was nominated -

but she didn’t win – probably because no one recognized her in red

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The Good Wife Julianna Margulies on the Red Carpet

(hm…she must have known she wasn’t going to win)

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The British are coming, The British are coming

Mrs. Anna Bates on Downton Abbey won a GG

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Olivia Pope a/k/a Kerry Washington…

happy to be in Hollywood away from Fritz and Jake

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Prince presented music GG to Selma

But, of course the winner is…

he said when he opened the envelope

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Selma Hayek also presented – and quite nicely

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Kate Hudson was a presenter, too

Her mom Goldie Hawn used to present, too

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George Clooney and his new wife were in the audience

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It was a Big ‘Ol Audience, too

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George Clooney won the Super Nice Guy Award

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Ruth Wilson won Best Actress for The Affair

(Slow and Pretty think she won it for Luther)

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Meryl Streep didn’t win a Globe,

but she is ALWAYS a winner to Pretty and Slow

Get me outta here, Percy…Meryl is a good note to end on…

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Editor’s Note: The Red Man continued his tradition of Golden Globes coverage again in 2015 but he did so with a heart full of sorrow for his followers across the Pond in France who lost many of their countrymen and women last week.  This post is dedicated to the memories of those who died in senseless acts of contrived terror.  We stand with the millions who marched in Paris yesterday – we will not be terrified.

Hey, Wake Up – It’s a New Year!

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Well Amigos apparently 2015 is off to a rousing start at Casa de Canterbury.  Seriously, take a look at this crowd…

The old woman Slow is her usual worthless self following the end of football season – at least the end for the teams she loves.  Whoever had the bright idea of playing the final game of the college season on January 12th. should have their heads examined – I’ve already forgotten the teams that are playing.  Oh yes… Oregon Ducks and Florida State Seminoles.   I always confuse the Oregon Mascot with the Insurance Mascot, and the Tomahawk Chop Chops make me very nervous so I don’t know who to pull for.  I’m the Dog that doesn’t hunt in this fight, or something like that.  Fool me once, etc.

As for the NFL playoffs, the Carolina Panthers travel to Seattle to play the Seahawks but Casa de Canterbury has blacked out the games due to player misconduct for the 2014 season, although I noticed Slow sneaked a peak last weekend while Pretty was at work at the Mast General Store.  Even so…Carolina vs. Seattle?  I don’t think so, Cam Newton.

Rounding out the sports attractions is, of course, basketball.  Rounding out – heh, heh, my little joke for the night.  Ok.  Lame, but what the heck.  The Lady Gamecocks find themselves at the Number One spot in the nation at this moment with Coach Dawn Staley at the helm calling the shots.  Let’s hear it for the Lady Cocks!

Slow and Pretty went to the Auburn game last week and thoroughly enjoyed themselves…at least until the end of the game when they were walking out and Slow reached into her jacket pocket for her cell phone and found that the two Lindt chocolates she’d put in there for emergency purposes had melted during the heated excitement of the game. She was horrified to pull her pathetic cell phone out and discover it was soaked in melted chocolate.

I wish somebody had taken a picture of her walking into Casa de Canterbury with her left hand oozing chocolate and then rushing over to the sink to try to wash her hands, phone and the inside lining of her jacket.  Hysterically funny.  And btw, she made the mistake of laying her jacket over a chair, and The Red Man was able to pull it down on the floor and lick the pocket lined with chocolate flavor.  I highly recommend Lindt…yummy.

Thank God for the Awards Shows coming up this week to rescue us from the post-holiday doldrums.  The Golden Globes are this Sunday night, and we will be on pins and needles as the little statues are handed out.  Unfortunately, Columbia cinemas have not quite kept up with the nominees so we will have to rely on hype and hyperbole for our votes in the bleacher seats this year.  So many deserving nominees, so few statues.

Well Sports Fans, time to claim my spot on the king-sized bed before the crowd settles in.  I hope you’re off to a faster start in the New Year than we are.

Get me outta here, Percy…

Editor’s Note: The Red Man is evidently not awake yet, either.  Thanks to our Sports Fans for correcting us  – the NCAA Championship Game is Oregon Ducks vs Ohio State Wolverines oh no, make that Buckeyes.  Been so long since OSU was in anything meaningful The Red Man can’t even remember their Mascot…and is trying to forget they beat Alabama.  Heh, heh.

 

 

 

 

Thank Yous Will Now Come To Order

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As a blogger with WordPress for more than four years now, I always look forward to the end of the year stats for each of my three blogs.  Each blog I manage does have a distinctly different voice and attitude, but I actually think of them as interconnected and supporting each other.

My blogs never win any awards at the end of the year so this is really not quite the equivalent of an Oscar acceptance speech, but I do want to recognize and thank some of my most faithful followers.  I know some of you read every blog but never write a comment but I don’t know who you are unless I run into you at the grocery store or football game or concert or the Mast General Store and you say Hey I read all your blogs.

According to my WordPress annual report, I need to say a special Thank You to the following folks who follow The Red Man’s Rants and Raves and make comments:

Animal Couriers, Terry1954, Wayside Artist, Current Descendent, Church Organist, Skye & Sonny (Twitter).

For the I’ll Call It Like I See It blog the most comments come from:

Wayside Artist, Current Descendent, Bob Lamb, Anne Boring, peacelovegreatcountrymusic

And for The Old Woman Slow’s Photos I have two followers who comment often:

Wayside Artist, Skye & Sonny (Twitter)

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  You are special cyberspace friends and I wish I could give each of you a hug and say I appreciate your hanging with us through the years.  So consider yourself receiving a big VIRTUAL HUG today!!

Last year the three blogs got 15,600 hits from 130 posts and our international presence grew beyond my comprehension: 112 countries with the USA leading of course, but great responses from France, Germany, Italy, Canada and Brazil.  This is awesome, and a special word of Thanks to everyone inside the USA for taking us into your cyberspace – and Thank You to all those outside the USA who beam us up with other satellites on a regular basis.

The Red Man is sending Paw Snaps and Twirls to his Amigos and Sports Fans along with the old woman Slow’s hugs and thank yous.

2015 is an odd-numbered year, and you know I usually don’t expect much from an odd-numbered year, but I’m making an exception to my rule and hoping for good health and happiness for each and every one of you…Happy New Year!

Definitely NOT a Hard Candy Christmas

Well Amigos, The Red Man is oozing mellow and feeling stoked about the Holidays on the morning after.  We are all in recovery mode since the old woman Slow and Pretty were out into the wee hours of the evening (well, almost 11 o’clock so that’s wee hours to them) for their Christmas party at Number One Son and Pretty Too’s new house last night.

Christmas 2014

Pretty Too Two, Pretty’s Sis, Slow, Pretty Too and Pretty

(left to right – photo courtesy of Jim)

So it turns out Pretty Too has an identical twin sister Pretty Too Two and Slow and Pretty LOVE the other two Pretties and had a Big Time eating, drinking, opening gifts and generally being merry in the first family Christmas in the new home.

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Pretty loves her new ring from Number One Son and Pretty Too

(photo courtesy of Pretty Too Two, assistant photographer for the evening)

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Number One Son very happy with Christmas tree -

Note Red Top Hat Tree Topper

Slow and Pretty talked and talked about how beautiful the tree was with the Red Top Hat Topper and Number One Son asked his mother how long he could keep their first tree up – she told him until New Year’s Day – so he was happy with that news.

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In fact, Number One Son happy in general

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Pretty Too and Music Man Brother

Music Man Brother lives in Oakland, California and was totally stoked for the holidays being with his family in South Carolina.  MMB taught Slow her new favorite word “stoked.”

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Pretty’s Dad happy with his new cowboy hat

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Pretty Too also happy – old woman Slow keeping tabs on assistant PT Two

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Pretty and Pretty Too having Big Time

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Hm…what’s this??  I was told it was a Peeps Only Party…

Evidently invitations were extended to a few Pups, too.  Olive belongs to Pretty Too Two and her Main Squeeze and made the guest list.  I’m sure Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea and  Squirrel Chaser Spike and The Red Man should have been included but we remained with our own Christmas Cheer at Casa de Canterbury.  Expect a few changes next year.

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Worsham Street Rockers at home at Casa de Canterbury

Well Sports Fans, this is all the Christmas Cheer the Red Man can stand for one day.  Too much happiness makes me very nervous…

Get me outta here Percy – time for The Red Man to make his New Year’s Resolutions for 2015 which is an odd-numbered year – always trouble.  Be prepared –  and we’ll hope to  see each of  our amigos and amigas in cyberspace in the New Year!

P.S. Many thanks to my assistant photographer Pretty Too Two for her successful first assignment.

Breaking News in Texas – Both Good and Bad!

Well Amigos, there is great relief in the ongoing saga of the Missing Baby Jesus: a new Baby Jesus has been purchased by the Church Nativity Committee and our top Grimes County correspondent who happens to be Slow’s cousin and is a/k/a  Church Organist has sent pictures to confirm.  Thank you very much Church Organist, and keep the news flowing.

The exhausting three-year drought of the kidnapping of the BJ is now officially over.  The person or persons responsible for the disappearance were never discovered so no one has been brought to justice for the crime which is now a Cold Case, but then you can’t have everything.

Navasota Nativity Baby Jesus

New Baby Jesus arrived just in time for Christmas -  Hooray!

Unfortunately, Bad News often follows Good News, and this is certainly the case (heh, heh) in Navasota, Texas, on this 15th. day of December with 10 days left until Christmas.

Navasota Nativity Overview

Manger Members now homeless – manger fell into disrepair and disintegrated

WHAAAAATT??

Manger members scattered randomly across church lawn – 

gaping hole in leg of Wise Man’s camel – no repair budgeted this year

Navasota Nativity

The cow is too far away to adore anybody

The Church Organist’s brother The Country Farmer is exasperated with the Nativity Committee and their reckless disregard for historical accuracy and has demanded the Chairman be fired –  if he can be found.  The Chairman ran off with one of the ladies in the choir two years ago and has participated in the meetings from an undisclosed remote location since then.  However, sounds of waves crashing in an ocean are often heard when he’s on his speaker phone during meetings.  Hmmm…

So the high drama that surrounds the Church Nativity Scene continues in 2014 with no relief in sight.  The Red Man has trouble remembering how the outdoor scene should look.  Luckily, one appeared today in Columbia.

Nativity Scene in Columbia

Now that’s what I’m talking about

Get me outta here Percy, Pretty is working late at the Mast General Store tonight, and the old woman Slow is dangerous when left unattended…duty calls.