All posts by Sheila Morris

About Sheila Morris

Sheila Morris is an essayist with humorist tendencies and a passion for photojournalism. She has two published memoirs and a third published essay collection and has been blogging for three years as her alter ego, The Red Man, her rescued Welsh terrier. She is a bi-stateual living in South Carolina and Texas with her partner Teresa and their three dogs Chelsea, Spike and Red. Please visit her other blog I'll Call It Like I See It by clicking on the top of Red's Rants and Raves!

TBO Chelsea Hikes the Palmetto Trail

Excuse me, but apparently somebody has new Amigos this afternoon.


Where in the world is Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea?


Does she miss The Red Man and Spike?


Obviously not


Hm…Dykes on Bykes…of course…that explains it…


Busted – trying not to look guilty

So it turns out the old woman Slow takes TBO Chelsea on a walk this afternoon and leaves The Red Man at home with Spike.  We are not amused.

I heard Slow tell Pretty she and Chelsea hiked the Palmetto Trail with a dyke on a byke.  Why hike if you have a byke?  Heh, heh.  The Red Man is a poet.

TBO Chelsea came in with her tongue dragging so she must have had quite the afternoon with her new amigos.  She actually looked guilty, which isn’t possible according to somebody named the Dolly Llama who says guilt isn’t even a word.  Seriously?  I like to heap it around on a regular basis.  What’s the point of having fun if you can’t feel guilty about it afterwards.

Get me outta here Percy….time for late night guilt-free Pretty Pets…

Back to the Basics

Well Amigos, nothing to report on the pending nuptials of the old woman Slow and Pretty.  Nope, they never heard back from the county judge about their license, and they apparently have no clue when it might be accepted.  In the mean time, The Red Man is sick to death of all this talk about social justice this and marriage equality that.  Justice delayed is justice denied, blah, blah, blah.  Frankly my dear, etc.

We have to get back to the basics around here.  October.  Halloween.  The Gamecocks.  The Longhorns.  Their defenses and offenses.  Coach Spurrier.  Coach Strong.  Pumpkins.

Did somebody say pumpkins?


Choosing the right pumpkin is a family affair

There’s a Pumpkin Patch right around the corner from Casa de Canterbury at the Methodist Church which evidently hasn’t gotten the memo about Halloween being off-limits and connected to heathens.  They will have like a thousand follow-up questions if they ever find out about it.


At any rate The Red Man is staying tuned for an adventurous autumn weekend and hoping all of his Sports Fans have a Great Time and that all their favorite teams win – as long as they’re not playing the Cocks or the ‘Horns.


Go Cocks!  Hook ‘em!!



Well Amigos, it was bound to happen sooner or later and now it’s a current event.  The old woman Slow and Pretty have applied for a marriage license right here in Columbia, South Carolina.  Well, I never.  Seriously.  I never thought they would be able to make honest women of themselves after almost fourteen years of the ups and downs of married life without the benefits of legal paperwork.

And of course, leave it to them to be interviewed in their car by Fox News just as they were leaving the courthouse.  That’s right – look them up in cyberspace: The old woman Slow has a few words about icing on the cake, which is naturally what she would be thinking about on her Marriage Application Day.  Don’t blink or you’ll miss them, but there they are big as Ike.

Pretty’s family is from the upstate Greenville/Spartanburg area so it was only fitting that the Fox station doing the interview was from Greenville.  Imagine her aunts and uncles and cousins sitting down for dinner watching the Evening News and asking each other if that wasn’t Pretty on TV trying to marry the old woman Slow.  Oh my goodness.


They look happy, don’t they?  I haven’t heard any talk about weddings so that’s probably a different topic for on down the road.

Get me outta here Percy…all this good cheer exhausts me…I’m afraid it might be contagious…



How Bad Was It?

Well Amigos, it was a bad weekend at Casa de Canterbury this weekend.  The old woman Slow and Pretty were underwhelmed by their Cocks this weekend as they got beat in the last few minutes of their college football game in a mild upset loss to the Wildcats of Kentucky.  I say mild upset to everyone except Slow and Pretty.  They were “mighty” upset.  Heh, heh.  My little joke for a Monday morning.  I know that’s lame, but it’s early.

Slow was further annoyed that her Texas Longhorns lost to Baylor, too, but then that wasn’t a big surprise to anyone in the state of Texas except perhaps UT head coach Charlie Strong who we are cutting some slack in his first year while he gets to know Bevo.

How bad was it at our casa?


 It was SOOO bad Chelsea and Spike went upstairs to the guest room

Yep, when you can’t stand the heat, get out of the bleacher seats and head for higher ground.  Whew – the language alone will scorch you if you’re not careful.

The Red Man sends Paw Snaps and Twirls to the entire state of Missy Prissy for their big home wins this weekend in Upsets – Bulldogs over the Aggies and Rebels over the Crimson Tide. Alabama’s Coach Saban is going to have to work on his “why we lost” speech since he never had to have one until the last couple of years.  Oh, well. Practice makes perfect, as The Red Man is fond of saying.

So it’s Monday morning, and time for all of us Monday a.m. quarterbacks to bark about what we would have done if only we’d been the coach.  Here’s a shout out to the Gamecocks’ Old Bald Coach from one of his biggest fans: the horse you draw is the one you ride and when one of your “hosses” is running like a son of a gun, put the ball in his hands to save the day.  You can quote The Red Man on that one.

Have a great week, Sports Fans and stay tuned to see if The Red Man is offered any coaching positions anytime soon.

Get me outta here Percy…I need to prepare for my close up…

Paw Licker Annie was The Bomb

Well Amigos, one year ago today The Red Man lost his oldest friend and running buddy Paw Licker Annie.  Sometimes when I dream, I dream of her.


We loved to roam West Montgomery County Park in Texas


Ok so I hogged the water bowl in the old Dodge Dakota pickup


I could always count on Paw Licker Annie for Backup – 

sometimes you just need Backup


PL Annie after one of our trips to K-9 Cuts in Montgomery


I smell like perfume – yuck


I can’t bear one more picture


The Red Man and Paw Licker Annie at Casa de Canterbury


Get me outta here, Percy…I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places…

Hey HEY, Ho HO! HO-mophobia’s Got to GO!

Well Amigos it was a Big Day yesterday for the old woman Slow and Pretty who celebrated with 25,000 of their closest friends and a handful of their enemies.


Of course Slow rode on the Pioneers Float with other “Pioneers”


Who gave her a horn to toot?  Take it away from her – quick!


 Fired up – ready to march!


 This dog got to march because of the happy feet , right?


This guy Toby did stars…The Red Man could’ve done stars 


Pink boa?  Not The Red Man’s look exactly – but could’ve worked it


Over the top


Let’s Go!


Moving out


Main Street cheers Pioneers of Pride


My flag’s higher than your flag


Friends of the Pioneers


Wow – who are those old people, and why are they singing?


I don’t know who they are, but they look like my grandma and grandpa


Hey, Hey!  Ho, Ho!!


Homophobia’s got to go


The Red Man sends Paw Snaps and Twirls for Best T-Shirts!


I’m having the BEST time at this Pride Parade!


Uh, oh.  Gloom and doom. Sigh.


Better sign


Time Warner Cable loves the gays


In front of the State Capitol


Confederate soldier has a lot to think about today


Free to be


The Red Man says this is what it’s all about anyway


All smiles 


Babies, babies everywhere


One last look


Pretty had to work at the Mast General Store – they were Proud, too!


A Marquee kind of day

The Red Man sends Paw Snaps and Twirls to the South Carolina Pride Movement for their silver anniversary and says Thank You for your hard work and perseverance during the lean years – you’ve made all of our lives better in the long run, which is where we now find ourselves.

The Red Man has renewed hope for the future when he looks into the eyes of the children who cheered the Pioneers.

Get me outta here Percy…Slow needs a nap this afternoon so I have to shut up.  Paw Snaps and Twirls to all of our Amigos in cyberspace around the world who celebrated with us at Casa de Canterbury this weekend!

P.S. If you want to see more Pride photos, click on The Old Woman Slow’s Photos under Friends of Red.

South Carolina Pride – 25th Anniversary!

Please pardon the interruption for an unpaid political announcement: This weekend in Columbia, South Carolina in the Deep South in the USA the LGBTQ community and their friends, neighbors, family members and media will celebrate Big Time for the 25th. Anniversary of South Carolina Pride!

The Red Man sends Paw Snaps and Twirls for this major accomplishment and salutes the leaders and followers who have kept the faith in the importance of the Parade and Festival since 1989!

Mast and Pride Banner

25th Anniversary Pride Banner on Main Street

(Pretty is so proud to have a banner right in front of her store)

Nothing says Pride like a Parade so don’t miss out this Saturday a.m. – run, walk, fly, swim – but be there early!!

P.S. If you see an old lesbian waving from a float, it’s probably the old woman Slow catching a ride.  Pretty will be walking, of course.

P.S.P.S. Stop by the Business Guild booth from 1 – 2 Saturday afternoon to say hi to Slow.  She’d love to see you!

What is the Key to Happiness?



The Red Man’s Advice:

Do What Feels Good!

P.S.  This blog is part of a B&W Sunday Blog Hop sponsored by Dachshund Nola and Sugar the Golden Retriever – thanks for including moi!

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Bad News Everywhere

Well Amigos, The Red Man is in a bit of a funk today.  Huge surprise since I am usually jolly and upbeat and have nothing but good things to say about everyone.  Shit house mouse.

See there, nothing but jolly and upbeat.

Today, however, Pretty is missing in action.  She left us yesterday to go on a business trip up to the Mast General Store Mecca somewhere along the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina and spent the night away from Casa de Canterbury which means we have had to rely on the old woman Slow for our entertainment. Sad.  Very sad.

Now don’t get me wrong. We think Slow’s fine with the food, meds, vet trips, grooming excursions, etc., but when it comes to our daily fun, she is a bust.  Boring. Super boring.  For example, she is at a loss to find a TV channel to watch since the US Open ended Monday so she has returned to the Country Classics music station in the morning and TNT crime dramas in the afternoon.  Sweet Lady Gaga.  How many blue eyes are really crying in the rain and who cares if they do – except Willie Nelson obviously.

And why do Bones and her FBI agent/unrequited love Booth end every episode eating Chinese food with chopsticks and drinking wine with some kind of message music playing in the background…plus they stay so thin, too.  Amazing.  Amazing and predictable.  Slow just loves predictable.

Anyhow, the other thorn in my side has been the Ray Rice video.  No, thank you very much.  The Red Man chooses not to watch that, if you don’t mind.  Just hearing about it has been bad enough.    All this violence on the football fields surely spills over into real life, and real life violence isn’t limited to football players.  Turn off the a/c and open your windows.  You may hear more than dogs barking.

Unfortunately, The Red Man has no answer for these situations except to say Stop.  Stop.  Stop.  Don’t do it, and don’t put up with it.  And if you know about it, don’t ignore it and hope it will go away.

All’s well that ends well, as The Red Man is fond of saying, but clearly this situation doesn’t fall in that category. Nothing has ended well.  If only Pretty had been here, we could have had a sensible conversation with her and felt better.

Get me outta here Percy, I need to look for my happy pills…


Spike is a wreck without Pretty



Back to the Basics


red in the back yard sept 2014

Well Amigos every once in a blue moon The Red Man needs a little time by himself to ponder the meaning of life.

To each his own.

Get me outta here Percy…I’m meditating.