Countdown to the Wedding!

Countdown to the Wedding!.

Countdown to the Wedding!

Well Sports Fans, we are in countdown mode to Number One Son and Pretty Too’s wedding on the 25th of April which means me we are officially one week away from this Huge Event! All nerves are present and accounted for, but they appear to be jangling.

As the mother of the groom, Pretty has been frantically searching for weeks for the appropriate frock for the events related to the wedding which include the Rehearsal Dinner on Friday night that has ballooned to more people than you can shake a stick at, the Bridal Brunch on Saturday morning which evidently is an all-female affair that may be somewhat a stretch since the old woman Slow was invited, and of course the Wedding itself which will be in the middle of the afternoon on a farm somewhere near Bishopville, South Carolina.

Pretty Too’s family is from down around there so she opted to have the wedding where her grandmother’s sister had a beautiful place to tell Number One Son how much she loves him. Sniff, sniff. The Red Man will go ahead and cry now since apparently no dogs were invited but he always cries at weddings and he would still like to have a good cry over everything.

Mostly, The Red Man will shed a tear for Pretty who still has not settled on her dresses. When she leaves work at the Mast General Store, she rides and rides to different ladies’ apparel establishments to search for the perfect attire. She did the modern thing and conducted a great cyberspace search, too. She imported a couple of dresses from California and New York but they had to be returned in the same manner they arrived – the Squirrel Chaser Spike’s nemesis the UPS truck.

OMG – that poor guy was throwing those boxes on the front porch and running like the Hounds of the Baskervilles were after him, and they might as well have been. Spike has a ferocious bark and is able to leap tall fences in a single bound, or at least climb them if he isn’t on his outside hookup. Thank God the old woman Slow was at the top of her game and kept him under control when she heard the truck coming.

As far as I can tell, that’s about the only contribution she’s made to anything. Pretty had to buy her outfits, too, but luckily she picked out the right things for her and Slow is all set. I think Slow has decided to lay low until the tidal wave of joy and happiness passes. An excellent plan.

I have seen Slow putting new batteries in her old Canon mini-cam so maybe she will be able to take a few pictures. Remember: Ansel Adams she is not so let’s keep our expectations in check.

So Amigos, The Red Man sends Paw Snaps and Twirls to Number One Son and Pretty Too and hopes the wedding is a wonderful success and they have as much happiness as Slow and Pretty have had together at Casa de Canterbury.

Get me outta here, Percy – now where did I put those tissues…have a great weekend, Sports Fans!!

 

Lady Gamecocks Rock Tampa – and Win New Award!

So March Madness ended in April for the Lady Gamecocks at the Final Four in Tampa, Florida with the elimination game against the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. Final Score: 66 – 65. Another heart attack finish – only this one went the other way. Coach Dawn Staley’s team went down with the same come-from-behind spirit they had the entire season – and The Red Man would like to thank Chica Amiga who tuned the TV to ESPN so that the Pack could catch the excitement…because, of course, we were NOT included on the Tampa Trip with the old woman Slow and Pretty. What’s up with that, Pretty?

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UCONN fans brought their dog – 

and ended up winning it all.

Think about it.

The good news, Sports Fans, was the Gamecocks did have one HUGE WIN in the Game Day afternoon activities. Guess who was the Number One Mascot in the all-important Mascot Competition?

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The One and Only Cocky stole the show!

The Red Man salutes Coach Staley and the Lady Gamecocks for their valiant efforts this past year and awards them his highest honor which he is just making up this very minute:  The Order of the Palmetto Paw Snaps and Twirls. Congratulations to the team for being the inaugural winners of this soon-to-be prestigious award. We would like to provide the appropriate trophy, but we are after all in cyberspace so it’s an imagine the best trophy you could have Lady Gamecocks – and that’s the one The Red Man sends you.

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Get me outta here Percy…it’s the weekend, round ball is over and I’m feeling the need for my disco nap. Have a great weekend, Amigos!

March Madness Moves On to April

Well Amigos, The Red Man has been terrorized by March Madness right here at Casa de Canterbury…it wasn’t enough that the old woman Slow and Pretty left us here at home in the bleacher seats for Rounds 1 and 2 of the Lady Gamecocks’ post-season hijinks right here at Colonial Life Arena. Oh, no – that wasn’t enough. This past weekend they took their show on the road to the Greensboro Regional. Sweet Lady Gaga. They’re Round Ball Obsessed – as cray, cray as Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea.

 

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As soon as the pills were packed, I knew they were up, up, and away.

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I had to deliver the bad news to Squirrel Chaser Spike who makes such a Big Deal out of everything. Honestly, bark, BARK, BARK! He truly needs to get a life. He acts like they’re NEVER coming back. They ALWAYS come back. The real issue is who will be here while they’re gone.

So leave it to Pretty to handle the logistics and provide a suitable caregiver. Thank yew very much, Patrick. Paw Snaps and Twirls to you for keeping up with the necessities like food and water and lots of treats.

And Paw Snaps and Twirls to The Red Man’s favorite round-ballers the Lady Gamecocks who rallied from behind to win both their games in the Sweet and Elite and make it to the Final Four in Tampa this coming Easter Sunday. Those girls got Game with a capital G and Coach Dawn with a Capital D.

Who dat? Who dat? We dat..and they’re all dat.

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.

Apparently Slow and Pretty stayed in pet-friendly La Quinta in Greensboro with not a shred of remorse for leaving their pets at home. Go figure.

At any rate Sports Fans, it’s anybody’s guess where our two lesbians will be this Easter Sunday, but The Red Man isn’t counting on the annual Easter Egg Hunt in the back yard this year. Oh, well. March Madness only comes once every April so let them have their fun.

Get me outta here Percy…I need to review my scouting report on Notre Dame.

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This is How God Punishes You

red at acupuncture

The Red Man was subjected to the tricks and treats of Hottie Doc Numero Dos once again today…note the pins stuck in moi while Helper Girl pretends to be nicey nice by dispensing cookies on the scales of injustice. Sweet Lady Gaga. Whatever happened to good ol’ Western medicine with its few pills here and there? You got me. No, seriously…the old woman Slow got me with another acupuncture treatment at the hands of Hottie Doc Numero Dos.

I fear Pretty has forsaken me, but of course Slow always takes me to the 4 Paws Animal Clinic when Pretty is at work. There is no end to her treachery.

What goes around comes around, as Granny Selma was fond of saying and brothers and sisters it came around to Slow today.

 Her Lady Gamecocks were hosting the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament this afternoon and Slow was the designated Advance Peep to save seats for the Gang of Five going to the game together – all with general admission tickets which meant seats were up for grabs.

lady gamecocks round 1c

Game started at 5 p.m. and Slow got to arena at 2:45 p.m. Unfortunately, fans weren’t permitted to grab seats until 4.00 p.m. She stood in line all that time. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

lady gamecocks round 1a

She amused herself for the first half hour by taking pictures of Coach Dawn Staley who stands in a larger-than-life banner watching over the restless fans.

lady gamecocks round 1b

By the time she had stood in line for one hour and fifteen minutes she didn’t even know which end of her rally flag was up. Pathetic. Thankfully, she was able to stagger into the general admission seating and get excellent seats for the Gang of Five who were appropriately grateful.

The Lady Gamecocks won big (81 to 48) which tickled Pretty and the other Gang members…but…this is how God punishes evildoers:

When everyone got up to leave and began to pick up what they’d brought with them, apparently, according to Pretty who is always truthful, Slow couldn’t find her cell phone. She looked under her seat, under Pretty’s seat, on the row behind her. She searched high and low…and then searched again. The cell phone had vanished.

Not vanished exactly. And The Red Man is still laughing at this one…the cell phone was in Pretty’s large souvenir Diet Coke cup that she had only half-finished. The cell phone was practically floating in Diet Coke in Pretty’s cup which had been on the floor between their seats! Hilarious. I am picturing their faces when they found it there!

One of the Gang of Five told Slow to put the phone in a bag of rice when she got home to Casa de Canterbury – which is where the phone is even as we speak. In a bag of Mahatma long-grained rice. The Red Man can hardly contain himself at the sight.

So the moral of this story is Karma is alive and well and living at Casa de Canterbury this evening in a bag of rice and if anyone was planning on contacting the old woman Slow by phone, I’d give it a day or two to see if it dries out. Honestly, that old lesbian is a disaster waiting to happen.

 Catch ya later, Sports Fans. Have a fun weekend, and if you see Slow at Round 2 Sunday night, steer clear of her. She’s reaping what she sows these days.

Get me outta here Percy…I feel strangely perky tonight…a little extra pep in my step…hm…I wonder…

Downton Disappears – What Now?

Well Amigos, disaster has struck Casa de Canterbury once again – it’s a universe gone mad, or at least it’s a U-Verse gone mad.

Whatever the thing is on the TV that records the shows for the old woman Slow and Pretty to watch later on when they aren’t playing Mexican Train or some other colossal waste of time has vamoosed…erased forever…we’re talking about The Good Wife, Madam Secretary, Scandal, Castle, Bones…favorite episodes of Law and Order…the last football game the Gamecocks beat Clemson in 2013…going, going, gone.

And of course for Slow, the most horrifying loss is the Downton Abbey season finale which she has watched more times than she’s told Pretty.  She’s watched so many times she no longer cries when Mr. Carson proposes to Mrs. Hughes.

I try to encourage Slow to step away from the TV and do more productive things like taking The Red Man for a walk, getting The Red Man a snack of his favorite cookies, going outside to sit in the nice spring air and sunshine with The Red Man but she is like the immovable object that meets the unstoppable force as her cousin Martin says or some variation thereof.

Whatever, she’s a slug who mysteriously sits at her computer for hours writing God knows what, her “real writing” she tells me all the time. So let’s see it. Produce the manuscript. Has she published a book since 2012? I think not.

Thank you very much. I rest my case.

At any rate, Sports Fans, The Red Man is somewhat relieved that he won’t be hearing Lady Mary singing Silent Night every afternoon.

Get me outta here Percy…The Red Man is headed to the doggie door…

 

 

The New (and Improved?) Red Man

Well, well, well. Is there no end to the skullduggery of that old woman Slow? I got up this morning and thought it was going to be a regular day like any other Hump Day is every week and trust me, I’m speaking metaphorically about Hump Day.

But no, no, no.That would have been too easy.

I opted to skip breakfast and save my appetite for a hearty lunch and the next thing I knew Slow opened the front door of Casa de Canterbury for me and let me make a mad dash for the Dodge Dakota pickup truck which is running nicely with its second engine and 166,000 + miles showing on the odometer. Nothing I enjoy more than a ride in the old Dodge Dakota. No sirree. Nothing I enjoy more.

But we rode past the Publix and the bank and the post office and the gas station which are the only four places in the whole city that we go to on our little excursions during the week and I thought this was definitely a bad sign because that left only ONE place that we occasionally visited.

Hottie Doc at the Four Paws Animal Clinic.  Curses.  Foiled again.

Sure enough, as Granny Selma would say, it turns out I had an appointment at the vet’s office. Sigh. Whatever. Same old. Same old.

Wrong, O Welsh Terrier breath – not same old. Not Hottie Doc herself – but Hottie Doc Numero Dos came strolling in. Sweet Lady Gaga. She was very young but seemed nice and talked to Slow about blah, blah, blah and then she and her Helper Girl jacked me up on the scales like always.

Well Sports Fans the next thing I knew I was getting delicious little treats from the Helper Girl when I felt these little prickly pricks all along my back and on my legs and neck. Not painful exactly – more like annoying. Yep, you guessed it: acupuncture. The Red Man was having acupuncture without his permission and no one seemed to care. It was a world gone mad.

Well I never. No, truly I never – but supposedly this is my new Alternative Treatment Program which will make The Red Man new and improved. Let’s hope so. At any rate, Numero Dos finally removed the needles after a while and sent us home with two types of herbs to round out my prescription for rosy health. (I will omit the tragic incident of the B-12 killer shot that Numero Dos injected while I was in the throes of my new ATP – some things are better left unsaid.)

In addition to the herbs, I will take Melatonin and Valerian Root to relax me in the evening when I seem to have difficulties sleeping. Numero Dos mentioned that Pretty and Slow were welcome to try them, too, if they had trouble going to sleep.

So far tonight I find I am wide awake as usual, but Pretty is out like a light.

Well Amigos, The Red Man will keep you informed on the progress of his new therapies so stay tuned for updates.

Get me outta here Percy…I’d better try to relax or I’ll find myself at yoga.

 

 

 

Boxed Out

There is a term in basketball that refers to getting a preferential position for rebounding in the paint that is called “boxing out.” The Red Man’s Amigos might ask, How do you have so much basketball knowledge, Red Man?

And the answer is The Daily Double which is how many games I watch every day since it’s the SEC women’s basketball tournament and I am compelled by the Fickle Finger of Fate to watch with the old woman Slow who is a johnny-come-lately to the Lady Gamecocks Basketball Party. That’s ok. She’s late to a lot of different events, but hey according to her newfound theory of time not really being linear but being on a continuum, she isn’t really late for anything ever. Nice. Convenient. Weird.

Dogs on floor watching basketball

The Three Amigos in the bleacher seats at Casa de Canterbury

Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea, The Red Man, Squirrel Chaser Spike

Dogs on floor watching bb3

 Boxed Out – Canterbury Style

As you can see, Sports Fans, bleacher seats are at a premium for TV events at our casa, and Spike is not the brightest bulb in the Pack.  You move, you lose, big guy.

Get me outta here Percy…I have the finals and need to save a seat for Pretty for Sunday afternoon – Go Lady Cocks!

Pretty, Help! Help! It’s a Downton Disaster!

OMG Amigos, the old woman Slow has taken a turn for the worse right here at Casa de Canterbury and is obsessed with the Downton Abbey fifth season finale – PLEASE make her step away from the TV and return to Castle or Law and Order SVU or Bones or Friends or Seinfeld or any of the other comfort TV shows The Red Man has grown accustomed to hearing in the background of his life for the past umpteen years and make her stop watching the Downton Abbey Christmas episode…I am freaking out…I just can’t take it any more…tell her to GET A LIFE!

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How many times have I been forced to watch this Christmas Eve celebration?

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How many times have I had to listen to Lady Mary sing Silent Night?

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 So what if The Lady Dowager and Mrs. Crowley are Slow’s new best friends…

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Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn

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And must she cry EVERY time Mr. Carson proposes to Mrs. Hughes?

Weep no more, my lady…seriously, weep no more. You’re bringing The Red Man down.

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Pretty told Slow that somebody said Tom has had the longest farewell since Cher

Whatever. If she turns that TV to Downton Abbey again, I swear I will pee on her favorite chair. Hm.  That’s really not a threat – I do that anyway.

Get me outta here Percy – I must send smoke signals to Pretty to rescue me from this Downton Disaster.

P.S. Shout out to the Lady Gamecocks in the SEC round ball tournament – good luck tomorrow Go Cocks!

Beyond the Sunset

Sheila Morris:

Someone who visited my blog today took a walk through the archives and looked at this one from September, 2013. Texas sunsets in Montgomery are special – this one was spectacular – I hope the visitor enjoyed this as much as I am tonight.

Originally posted on The Old Woman Slow's Photos:

I declare there’s nothing like a brisk walk at sunset on Old Plantersville Road – except maybe driving the Dodge Dakota pickup instead of walking.  Here are images of the end of September 11th. for me here in Texas late this evening, but the images of the horrific attack on our country twelve years ago today are as vivid in my mind  as these pictures.  Those memories are truly beyond the sunset.

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I can hear the trains on these tracks from our house on Worsham Street

Day and night the whistles blow

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Now the day is over

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Let’s ride off into this sunset together

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Cow birds returning home after a hard day’s work

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Cows and horses winding down

042One last look

And then I drove to the Brookshire Brothers grocery store at the corner of Texas Highways 105 and 149 and took this shot from the parking lot.

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