You know, sometimes I just can’t help myself. It all started this a.m. around 7:30 Somebody’ s time. I’m so confused with this time business. And Slow doesn’t do a lot to help me, I might add. As far as I can tell, it’s an hour earlier here than it was in South Carolina in my Main Abode, but Slow has this insane idea that she’ll keep some clocks on SC time and some on Texas time. Man, it’s tough enough to deal with these shorter days, did I say shorter days, shorter days, but then I have to try to figure out what time it REALLY is wherever I am. Where am I now that I need me? And what time is it when I find myself?? Heh, heh. My little joke.
So, I get up because Slow gets up and right away I know something’s different today. How, you ask? What is my first big clue? Slow goes in and makes coffee. Yep, that’s a dead give-away that we’re off to a fast start. She hasn’t made coffee one time in the last six months. Second clue: Slow lights that scented candle that smells like sage. So, we’re either having an early a.m. seance OR we must be having company. I’m thinking company, since she always lights a candle to make the house smell good for company. Hmmm….wonder what that’s about?
God bless her, though, she does her little a.m. routine and puts on her tennis shoes for our Montgomery Adventure Walk. I see nothing will interfere with that excitement for me. It’s all good. I’ll do a few leaps and barks to let her know how happy, happy, happy I am…
So, we get back from our walk and Slow loads me up in the truck for a ride to our favorite grocery store, Brookshire Brothers. Geez, it’s awfully early for a trip to the grocery – she didn’t even drink a cup of coffee yet, either. I sniff Big Doings today.
I wait in the truck with the windows properly cracked while Slow trudges along to the store. It’s not too long before she comes wheeling the cart out with several bags of stuff. What’s this? Fresh flowers? Oh my God, who’s coming to visit today? Oprah? Ellen? The Pope? Well, well, well, I’m getting anxious, and every time I get anxious, I get VERY anxious. Who knows what I might do?
So, we get back to the house, and Slow flies around putting the flowers in a vase, putting groceries up and moving the scented candle from room to room. Give me a break. This house can’t smell that bad, can it? I mean, the woman is practically at warp speed (for her). And, still not one cup of coffee.
Here she goes sweeping off the front porch. I’ll stay outside with her while she sweeps. Zippity doo dah, zippity yay. My, oh my, what a wonderful day. Zippity, zippity, zippity…sniff, sniff, sniff…what’s that delicious aroma I smell in this glorious green grass in the front yard today? Methinks it is the nectar of cat shit. Where is it – where is it – where is it??? Eureka!! I’ve found it!! Ooh…aaahhhh…cat shit…cat shit…cat shit…the better to roll in, my dear…and roll in some more…and one more time…wow, this is the best cat shit ever!!
Uh, oh. Busted. Here comes Slow frantically waving and swearing obscenities at moi! She starts to grab my halter, but, alas, it appears to be so covered with the nectar of the gods that she is too repulsed to reach for it. I’d better skidaddle. Yikes! Here she comes now waving the water hose in the air and dragging it along behind her and yelling at the top of her lungs – the woman is Out of Control. Hey, old woman, what do you think your neighbors will say about this scene? Seriously, just look at yourself! Too late. She’s got me cornered and is washing me with this ridiculously cold water. Well, I never. And I thought I smelled so good, too. Get away from me!
So, some friend of hers named Tinabeth came to visit and brought her mother Vivian. That’s what the big fuss was about. Evidently, Slow knew her when she was growing up in Richards. She must have been somebody Very Important. I don’t know too much about her, since I was banished to the back yard while they were here. I wonder if any cats have been to the back yard today.