I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe…I can’t lie down, I can’t lie down, I can’t lie down…I need water but it doesn’t help. I need water, but it doesn’t help. Woe is me. Woe is me… Woe is me. Why am I being punished? Oh, why am I being punished????
Ok. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Take it easy. Take it easy. We’re all safe and sound. Let’s try to get calm here. Let’s take it from the top, shall we?
So, Slow was pretty much worthless today. She laid around and read some book that that Tinabeth brought over yesterday. She was supposed to go see her mother Selma in Houston but decided she was too tired. Who’s surprised? That’s what getting up before the crack of dawn will do for you, as any fool would know. Whatever.
This afternoon she rouses herself to take a shower, thank goodness, and then gets my leash for a late-afternoon stroll. Zippity doo dah, zippity doo yay. My, oh my, what a wonderful day. Plenty of sunshine heading my way, etc. I can dance around, I can bark, I’m so happy to go for my Montgomery Adventure Walk!! Look at me dance! Yippeeeee!!!
Alrighty then, looks like we’re taking the country route today. That suits me fine. I like it. I like it. I like it! Hey, there’s that crazy guy Badger out in his yard with Carol. I think I’ll go over and be sociable and let him know that I’m on a walk and he’s NOT…heh, heh.
Hey, Badge, what’s shaking, young whippersnapper? Look at me. I’m on a walk today, and I think I’ll come over and piss on your fence just because I can. Better watch out. Oh, yeah, and something I need to tell you about that pretend piss you do. Only GIRLS piss like you do. Watch this. If you’re a guy, it’a all about the leg action. You got me, Bro? Well, anyway, Sayonara. Hasta la vista. Farewell. True dat.
Zippity doo dah, la, la, la. We walk past old man Duncan’s place at the end of our street and are just about to make the turn towards Old Plantersville Road when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. What’s this? What’s this? What’s this??? I pull Slow through the little ditch and drag her up the other side to the strange fence with those wire pokers in it and stop dead in my tracks. Before me stands the biggest animal I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Dear God, what is this? It’s white with some kind of black spots all over it. It’s got four legs like me but the paws are from Outer Space or somewhere. They don’t look right at all, and the damn thing is pawing the ground and making this kind of snorting sound at me. Well, smack my tail and color me stunned. Speaking of tails, ok, this one wins for longest tail and longest hair all over its big broad neck. Get a load of those little ears all cocked back on that big old head.
That’s it. I’m barking and running at this thing. Whoa, Nellie! Here comes another one trotting up to me at the fence. This one looks as big as the first one, but it’s a solid brown one, and it’s not in a very good mood, I see. H-O-R-S-E-S. That’s what they are – I’ve seen them on tv on those westerns Slow likes plus she has a painting of one in the hallway in this Texas house. Swell. They don’t seem very artistic in their natural habitat.
Slow keeps pulling me back on this troublesome tether, so I’ll just run around in circles and bark for a while to keep her off balance. Maybe she might even FALL and drop my leash, and I can come back and give these big guys a taste of my Red Hot stuff. THEN, we’d see what’s what. No such luck. Slow is clinging to that leash for dear life, and I’ll have to humor her for the rest of our walk.
I am still worked up over seeing those Horses today. You can’t trust them. I know that for sure. That brown one was eyeing me with malice. Yes, malice, I say malice. I can’t stand to think about it. I wonder if Slow has a xanax she would give me tonight. I’m a Wreck.