Slow and Pretty came home a few minutes ago, and they are not in a very good mood. They had been to their friends’ house to watch their favorite football team, the Lamecocks, play this Very Important Game against the Arkansas hog team. Okay, so I knew this wasn’t going to be a fun time for them. First major problem, moi was not invited to go with them. This is never a good sign. How many times do I have to tell them that I am their Good Luck Charm? When the Red Man is on your side, you have a powerful force that smites your enemies. I say, smites, smites, smites. When you mistakenly leave the Red Man imprisoned in his little cell for an entire evening, you will be punished. I’m just saying.
Second major problem, Slow and Pretty watched the game in the home of a friend who is from Arkansas and LOVES the hog team to pieces. I say, LOVES the hog team to pieces. I heard them say she came to the door in a big old red hog shirt and red hog baseball cap and everything like that. Heh, heh. Serves them right. LOSERS!!! LOSERS!!! Can anyone say final score 41 – 20??? Told you so, told you so, told you, told you, told you so…
Sigh. Being right is so often a burden, but it’s one that I gladly bear.
What’s this? Honestly, take a split second to rest on a few laurels and that Chelsea gets the best seat in the house. Well, I’d better call attention to the fact that she is lying on an American flag, for God’s sake. You crass, unpatriotic lab, you! Once the Peeps see that you are curled up on the American flag, you will have to MOVE! Have you no shame? I am turning you in to the Dog House UnAmerican Activities Committee, you imbecile!
Seats are at a premium at our house in South Carolina, let me tell you, with the four of us dogs and two not-petite Peeps vying for a sofa and the fabulous leather chair with the ottoman. Sometimes it’s possible to be the odd man out and end up on the floor. In other words, if you move, you lose. I must quickly bark at Chelsea to alert the Peeps to her faux paws.
Perhaps they will reward me with treats. Hmmmm….maybe not. Evidently, losing a football game is more demoralizing than losing your favorite chair. I’m thinking it’s not a night of largesse and good will. I’ll pass the word to the others that we might as well call it a night and hope for better days tomorrow.