So, we’re taking a new Country Scenic Route for our walk the other day. Slow, Ollie and moi. That would be the royal “we.” Heh, heh. Not exactly. More like the guys on the old Bob Newhart show. Hi, my name is Larry. This is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl. Kinda scudsy looking trio, if you catch my drift, and that’s closer to my reality show with Ollie and Slow. I hate to say it, but they bring my image down. I’m Mr. Cool, Mr. Clever, Mr. Got It Going On, Mr. Looking Good, right? A Dog For All Seasons, if you will. Then, there’s my traveling companions, Slow with her pathetic baseball caps for daily wear and Ollie Smokey Lonesome Mr. No Personality Cujo with that one brown eye and one blue eye. Yeah, they bring me WAY down. I need a new look. Either these two have to have one of those incredible MAKEOVERS that you see on tv, and I’m talking INCREDIBLE, or I need a different crowd to run with.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! I am saved, I am saved, I am saved! I just heard Slow talking to Pretty on the telephone, and tomorrow is the day that Pretty comes back! It seems like an eternity since she was here, and now she’s coming to Texas to Keep It Beautiful…Ladybird Johnson would be so pleased! I am equally thrilled because Pretty will improve my image once again. No tacky baseball caps for her, let me tell you. When we go for our walk now, our visuals will be stylin’. The Red Man will be at the top of his game when Pretty arrives. Hmmm…I wonder if I’ll be picked for the airport limo duty. Surely. I have so much to catch up on with Pretty, and she’d be disappointed if I didn’t meet her as soon as she touches down.
I’m going to suggest that we show Pretty our new Country Scenic Route behind the library this weekend. She loves all things different and fun, and this is as close to fun as I’ve found lately. I like it mostly because I think it’s one of those Posted – Keep Out places so I pretend that there’s a Posse after me when we walk through that huge pasture. Of course, any Posse could catch me when Slow is in charge of my leash. I mean they’d have to be riding turtles for us to outrun them with Slow struggling along like she does. Hey, ever thought about dropping a few pounds, old woman??? You might move a little quicker!! I don’t see that happening, though. Not really. Step away from the Shipley’s chocolate donuts? Unlikely.
Anyway, it’s a great outlet for my pentup imagination, and I am thoroughly entertained by the deep brown straw-like grass and the rough ground that makes the going tough. It suits my crusty paws and freewheeling nature to a tee. I almost feel sorry for Ollie. He’s such a big ol’ wuss, and he has paws as smooth as a pup’s butt, but he manages to keep trucking. Off in the distance we saw this big water tower, and that was our goal on the New Route. Yessiree, Pretty is going to like this adventure because she loves a GOAL when she walks!
We made it to that tower at the top of the hill and found a bona fide saloon open for bizness. I had a hankering for something to wet my whistle, but it was Peeps Only. No Dogs Allowed. Shit. I wouldn’t have gone in there if they’d begged me. Which they didn’t. Discrimination sucks.
Don’t cry for me, Argentina, though. Pretty’s coming, and I don’t care what anyone says or does tonight. I need my beauty rest to get ready to rumble tomorrow.
Buenos noches, amigos, and keep warm tonight. The stars at night are truly big and bright deep in the heart of Worsham Street. Or maybe that’s all these outdoor holiday lights.
Red's Rants and Raves 