Dear God, does anyone ever listen to the words of these Christmas carols slash songs slash tunes?   Or, do we just automatically think to ourselves OMG that’s a Christmas carol and I just LOVE Christmas carols so I just LOVE this song and I don’t care if I hear it ten thousand times before December 25th, which is by the way, some convoluted arbitrary date signifying the birth of the O Peep Divine One!!   I mean, how about a nice date in April when new life kicks into high gear?   December is such a DREARY month for Holy Days and Holidays and Birthdays of any kind.   I myself would have preferred a beautiful kick-ass spring date.   I digress, however.   I’m talking music today.

For example, evidently one of the most beloved holiday tunes is something about roasting chestnuts over an open fire.   Okay.  Let’s think about this for a  minute.    I live in South Carolina and Texas, and I’m trying to think of the last time I saw any chestnuts roasting.   Over an open fire, in a gas oven, on a hot skillet, over a barbecue pit?   Nope.    I’m still thinking.     I haven’t seen  a good chestnut roast since…hmmm…since EVER, if you catch my drift. 

  I’ve seen some roasted peanuts and, of course, in South Carolina I’ve eaten a few boiled peanuts.   I’m not wild about boiled peanuts or roasted peanuts, but I HAVE seen them on a regular basis around here.  I’ve even seen roasted pecans in both of my home territories, too   Now, pecans have a little bit more going for them.   Slow has a friend in SC who puts butter and salt on pecan halves and roasts them in the oven, and I swear I could eat my weight in those, but that old woman Slow doesn’t believe in sharing.   I have to stealthily lurk near the kitchen counter tops… and hope that she’ll drop one on the floor.   Amazing how much her pathetic arthritic dexterity improves when she’s eating her favorite holiday goodies.  

 Speaking of holiday goodies,  another favorite pecan treat was made by Neighbor Jon in Texas who dazzles us with his culinary experiments.   The man will try anything once, and we reap the benefits of his kitchen adventures.   A few weeks ago he fixed pecan halves for us that had been cooked in so much sugar and spice the air in OUR kitchen smelled sweet for the brief time we had them.   Those lasted about one minute when Slow tasted them.   Pretty opted to sniff them and said the aroma itself was enough to make her feel guilty.   That Pretty tries so hard to stay slender, even during the holiday season.   Oh, Pretty, you’re the best!   Why can’t Slow be like you?   Sigh.  On the other hand, I’m sure the world would be a dull place if we all were the same.   I’m picturing Mr. Smokey Lonesome Dull As Those Weak Coiled Light Bulbs right now.   Geez Louise.   Now that’s dull, right?   Thank goodness for moi and Pretty.   We got some bright lights going on.

The Ansel Adams of cell phone photography took a picture of me with our Christmas tree in South Carolina this year.   We are evidently choosing to have a retro Christmas.   I can’t say that I’m surprised.   During the last ten years I’ve seen our trees go from large living  green trees with tons of lights and ornaments to smaller fake green trees with fewer ornaments and for the the last couple of years, we’ve moved to some kind of red foil tree that collapses in a thin box for easy storage when we’re finished with it.   But, I see this year Pretty is thinking minimalist, and I’m fine with that.   Really, I could care less about a tree, but I totally agree that we need a focal point for the presents.   I think I’ll call our tree this year a Focal Point Tree, if you don’t mind.

My own personal favorite rendition of the roasting chestnuts song was by Johnny Mathis.   Slow saw him in person a hundred years ago when she was in college in Austin, Texas, and she never fails to share that story with me when I’m trying to listen to Jack Frost nipping at your nose or toes, yuletide carols being sung by a choir and folks dressed up like Eskimos.   I wish I knew how many Eskimos sang yuletide carols?   I bet you could count them on one hand.   Whatever.   I say don’t worry about it.   The main point of the whole song seemed to me to be Johnny Mathis wanted to say Merry Christmas, and I’m up for that on a limited basis.

Yep, go ahead and try a dose of Merry, and I’m with you 100%!   I’ve found that it helps to be in a group, but that doesn’t guarantee Merry because the group can turn on you.   I hate to name names so I’ll just say that their initials are A and C and O and that I’d appreciate a little more good will this year when we open our presents.   Remember, the first shall be last, etc.

Well, I guess this is it for Christmas cheer from moi this year.   Thanks to all of you readers who wished The Red Man a Happy Birthday.   I can’t believe you cared enough to send the very best.   Heh, heh.   That’s my Hallmark Card joke.   Get it?

If you get weary of Merry, we can always try to hook up and find a few chestnuts to roast.   The Red Man wishes you the best Merry ever!!