Hail, hail, the gang’s all here – and we’re freezing! Slow and I pulled into the gravel driveway of Casa de Canterbury yesterday afternoon and you want to talk H-A-P-P-Y to get out of a truck! I thought we were driving to the ends of the earth this time because once we hit I-85 north of Montgomery the roads were icy and all I saw was white, white and more white. Snow everywhere covering everything for miles and miles and hours and hours and eons and eons. Honestly, I halfway expected to see Seven Dwarfs racing across the road any second because there was so much Snow White. Heh, heh. Pathetic joke for the night.
Picture this. We stopped to buy gasoline for the Dodge Dakota outside of Atlanta at this creepy service station which was the closest to the interstate because the old woman was getting worried she was about to run out of gas. I recognized all the signals. Furtive glances at the gas gauge every few seconds. Peering at the Exit Signs with this anxious look on her face as she gripped the steering wheel with both hands. I’m surprised her hands weren’t permanently glued to that steering wheel. She was hanging on for dear life while we drove around Atlanta, let me tell you. We probably had half a tank left but I saw the click, click, click of her brain and knew we were about to stop. Sure enough, she finally found a passable exit and we went to the Service Station from Hell – or rather, Iceland.
I totally felt sorry for Slow when we pulled up to the pump. First thing she had done was park so close to the island that she could barely get her door open to get out. She squeezed and squeezed and then managed to maneuver her chunky self on to the ground that was pure snow turned to ice and her tennis shoes slid all over the place. She kept saying Red, don’t you get out of this truck, don’t you get out of this truck now. Hell, how could I get past her and why would I even want to? This situation had gone from sad to hilarious in sixty seconds. I was having too much fun watching her skate around the gas pumps. I’m telling you I could see her breathing hard and grabbing for anything stationary!! Then, I saw her swipe one of her little magic cards at least four or five times while she tried to follow the instructions on this ancient pump screen that must have been as frozen as she was. She’d swipe and then lean in so close to the screen that I thought she was going to kiss it but then she’d mutter something and swipe again. Her breath made these little white puffs, and her feet kept sliding every time she moved. FINALLY, she coaxed the pump into approving her magic card and we gassed up.
Before we could vamoose, I had to have a potty break so Slow drove behind the station and stopped. Brother, she didn’t even turn the motor off this time. I understood why when I jumped out of the truck with my customary gusto and practically broke my neck when I hit the ground. My paws were slipping out from under me and every step I took was like a Nascar wreck on a racetrack. Slicked up and out of control. I couldn’t find a place to piss but I didn’t look very long, to tell the truth. The old woman held my leash and I was dragging her around so fast I think we looked like ice skaters in that parking lot. I regret to say a number of eighteen-wheelers were also parked nearby and I detected amused looks from truck drivers as we slid and slipped and I pissed on nothing but snow. Get me outta here, Percy!! The Red Man needs some traction!!!
All’s well that ends well, I always say and here we are safe in the arms of Pretty which, as you know, is my favorite place to be. Ollie and Annie and Chelsea were thrilled to see moi but hid it well by pretending to ignore me and jumping up and down and carrying on when Slow walked through the door. I can assure you I have made them pay for their less- than- welcoming behavior today. That is, when I haven’t been trying to find a warm spot in my home that is now surrounded by a frozen tundra which used to be my yard. Yessiree, I see if I’m gone too long I barely recognize the old home place. Circle the wagons and turn up the thermostat.
Is it possible for dogs to hibernate? I’ll take it for a test run tonight and see how it goes.
In the meantime, nitey, nite to all of you. Listen for the warm and sleep tight.