Well, for the most part I’ve been glad to be home in South Carolina for the last week or so. I mean, I have a lot of perks when I’m here like much improved sleeping arrangements in our gigantic king-sized bed and an additional meal during the day thanks to Chelsea who obsesses over food and annoys Slow or Pretty with her pawing and staring with those two dark eyes until one of them feeds her. Thank you, O black Lab of questionable heritage since you didn’t like water for such a long time, for the bonus meals every afternoon. It ALMOST makes up for your tennis ball neurotic fixation. I said ALMOST because you can get on my last nerve chasing around after a yellow tennis ball. Geez Louise. I don’t get it. It’s a ball, for God’s sake. Much ado about nothing. I’d rather watch the Australian Open on the Tennis Channel. Oh, yeah. Let’s hear it for the Tennis Channel. Pretty and Slow love watching the tennis matches on tv.
And speaking of Pretty, how happy am I to be at home with Pretty? Ecstatic, blissful, exuberant, elated – that’s how happy I am!! Oh, I adore Pretty and we have our special moments together, and don’t you forget it. Pretty tries her best to hide her true feelings for The Red Man, but when we sit on the sofa together and she gives me Pretty Pets… well, the rest, as they say, is history. Pretty Pets are the most wondrous of all signs of affection, and moi knows that actions speak louder than words. Yep, Pretty loves The Red Man and is one of his biggest fans. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Pretty isn’t a charter member of The Red Man’s Fan Club! Peeps United for Pups – P.U.P.S. – I like it!
Far be it for moi to be negative, but there is one fly in the ointment of my happiness here at the old hacienda. Yessiree, one itty bitty fly in the ointment, if you will. I hate to call names, but it’s the Old One, Annie. She gets WAY too much attention these days. She has managed to lick her paw into bloody oblivion, and Slow and Pretty cluck over her and woe is me over her and what are we gonna do with Annie all the time until I’m sick of it. Why can’t she just quit? I mean, clearly it must hurt to walk on that paw with its being messed up so bad, and she keeps licking and licking and licking. So now she’s been wearing this ridiculous clear plastic cone over her head for days and she bangs around in it against the furniture and into the rest of us with it and can’t go through the doggie door any more by herself. I have to say I’m over her and her ordeal.
Alas, the drama continues with Slow the Medicine Peep and yet another attempt to save the day. The old woman ordered a Magic Potion from a Mystery Healer in a faraway place, and it came in the mail yesterday. Well, I never saw such a contraption. First, Slow puts this smelly Magic Jelly on Annie’s pathetic paw and then she wraps a white Peep Sock with elastic in the top over the paw and it stretches all the way up her leg. Annie has to wear a Peep Sock on her right leg and the plastic cone over her head. Next thing you know, she’ll be wearing Body Armor over her whole body! And I have to tell you I think she’ll go right back to licking as soon as Slow gets tired of the Magic Potion routine.
Hmmm…I guess she can’t help it so I’ll try not to be harsh and judgmental. I suppose we all do things sometimes that aren’t good for us, things that are very BAD for us, but we do them anyway. And who knows – maybe the Magic Potion will actually work and Annie won’t lick ever again. And maybe pigs will fly tomorrow at sunrise.
Stay tuned and stay warm. There’s a full moon, and The Red Man wants to howl.