Hey, I’m barking. I never woof, mind you, because that is the prerogative of larger canines with lesser smarts. If you want to let the world know that you are annoyed and you want to annoy the world, then you must bark with a high piercing shrill bark and do it in rapid staccato without stopping to catch your breath. Truly, it’s a lost art. Luckily, I have perfected it and will use it to express a wide range of emotions like Take me, Take me, Take me with you if you don’t take me with you I will bark like this while you are gone and your neighbors will think you are torturing me! Or then there’s always Hey Daisy, Hey Daisy, Hey Daisy can’t you see Ollie wants to talk to you right now? I said, Right Now! Or on Worsham Street, my Get out of here, Buddy…get out of here, Buddy…get back in your fence before the Little Woman comes home, you hard-headed nut case! Or the ever- popular Feed me, feed me, feed me, you daffy old twit The Red Man needs some vittles, and I don’t mean tomorrow! Anger, frustration, impatience – my bark is my most reliable means of communication when I’m away from my High Tech Dog Language Converter Writing Machine.
Today I’m barking for Elton John and his Baby Boy Peep. No, no, no, not Bo Peep. Baby BOY Peep. If you remember, The Red Man was just talking about the Piano Peep in our most recent conversation, and I hope that didn’t have anything to do with what happened in Mountain View, Arkansas at the grocery store there. Yessiree, moi wouldn’t want to be guilty of contributing to any Sin Sore Shit of the Piano Peep and his new Baby Boy Peep. Can you imagine it? Take a closer look at the picture of the magazine rack at the Grocery Store Which Shall Remain Nameless and you will see that a protective shield has been carefully placed over the magazine cover of EJ and his Peep Family. A shield to “protect young … shoppers.” I am trying to figure out From What?? Hmmm…it must be the gaps in EJ’s front teeth. That’s the only thing I see that could possibly be borderline offensive to young shoppers. Quick paw snaps!! That’s it – the Grocery Store Peep Owners must be afraid that if young shoppers see EJ’s gaps, it might remind them that candy is the enemy of gapless teeth and there would be a devastating drop in candy sales which would lead to horrific impact on somebody’s bottom line. That’s financial lingo from the cable news tv channels. Those guys are always worried about somebody’s bottom line. Slow is the only one I see that needs to be worried about bottoms – lined or not. Heh, heh…my little joke for the day.
Anyway, I’m barking because I’m very annoyed that a Corporate Peep had the nerve to ruin a perfectly wonderful cover by placing a shield over it at the check-out counter of a grocery store. Honestly, with all the terrible Peep stories floating around the newsstands these days, you’d think a Happy Family Portrait Cover featuring a New Baby Boy Peep deserves a little respect, regardless of a Peep’s teeth. Ya think?
I’m still barking.