Pardon Me, But Is That A Cold Cut Combo?

Well, the old girl Slow is finally finding her rhythm in South Carolina again after all of her meanderings around the country from here to Texas and back.   I’m not sure how long we’ll be here, but it’s good to get out of the house and spend some time in the park again.   Yessiree, we left our walks behind when we left the Old Home Place in the gated hood in Spring Valley many moons ago so we have to make do with a fenced-in miniature park in the city.   I know, I know.   It’s not a walk in the Texas countryside, either.   But, dude, you take what you can get, if you know what I mean, and this little park with the pretend trails is what it’s all about these days.   Seriously.   The trails are made of this fake spongy material that bounces back when you step on it.   Trust me – I run as far away as I can from the FOAM TRAILS.   They’re not natural, and I avoid them at all costs.   Of course, Slow never leaves a marked trail.   I’m sure she never colored outside the lines, either.

The Fickle Finger of Fate smiled on The Red Man today when Slow took Chelsea, the ball-obsessing black Lab, and moi  on a park semi-adventure.   I call them “semi” because once you run around a small fenced-in park two or three times and piss on every bush and trash can and tree in sight, there’s really not much you can do for entertainment.   No entertainment, no entertainment, no entertainment!   I usually let my imagination run wild and make-believe I’m guarding a secret movie star dog like Lassie or Rin Tin Tin from paparazzi and I’m doing such a good job nobody knows where they are so I run and run and run along the fence to keep them from finding out.   That kills a good five minutes, and then I’m BORED again.

But, today was different.   While Slow walked the foamy trails and threw the tennis ball to a besotted Chelsea, a small gray SUV drove up and parked beside Slow’s pickup.   The next thing I knew this young pretty Peep opened the door and got out.   Uh, oh.   I figured she had a dog with her and I’d have to have the Dreaded Leash on me.   Did I forget to say there’s a Leash Law for this pathetic park and we don’t abide by it?   Silly me.   Trivial details.   Regardless, I breathed a sigh of relief when she came to the gate by herself.   Well, really not by herself.   She brought a sack with food in it and a book to read!   Hello, Baby – welcome to the park!

Even Chelsea the food slut stopped chasing the tennis ball long enough to run as fast as she could to greet our new best friend, Ms. Literary Lunch Honey, but I beat her to the punch and got there just as she opened the gate.   Of course, Slow was ambling over to make sure I didn’t ESCAPE or anything, and the sweet young Peep smiled and smiled at us so I figured she’d be a pushover for a snack.   She kept telling Slow she didn’t mind “little doggies” who were friendly so right away I knew Chelsea the BIG BLACK LAB wasn’t getting any treats.   Get away, get away, get away you big ol’ crazed Pup who needs therapy desperately – it’s a Big Day for the Little Dogs!   The Red Man Rocks!

The nice woman walked over to a picnic table and sat down.   Slow went back to her foam tracks and Chelsea chased tennis balls forty thousand more times.  I made myself at home on the picnic table with Ms. Honey and jumped up on the bench and she talked to me while she ate her Subway sandwich and read some trashy novel.   Yep, she talked all right, and I waited and waited and waited.   I leaned closer and closer and closer to that sub sandwich.   I’m very familiar with the Cold Cut Combo – it’s a particular favorite of Slow’s on our travels to Texas, and I do love them.   They’re so MEATY.    I was almost close enough to grab a bite when that wretched old woman hollered at me to step away from the food!   She yelled so loud it scared Ms. Honey and she gulped the rest of the sandwich as fast as she could without being too rude.   Thank you very much for nothing, Slow.   Sigh.   Alas, no snack for The Red Man this time.

Oh, well, at least we had a little variety in the park today, and I made a new friend.   That’s me – always looking on the bright side of a disaster.   Speaking of disasters, one of the Little Women of Worsham Street sent a message and said that all the pipes were frozen in casa de Tejas and more winter weather was on the way.  Yikes!   That sounds ominous.   An intoxicated Texas cousin called the old woman tonight and said they were expecting 1 – 5 inches of snow in Montgomery tomorrow.   Hell has truly frozen over if Texas has that much snow!   Heh, heh.   A parting joke for the late evening.

Wherever you are, I hope you’re warm.   I’m calling it a night and sending you good vibes for the beginning of the Year of the Rabbit!   Sounds good to me.