So the old woman Slow and moi were off on an adventure today and I wasn’t sure where we were going but I knew it wasn’t to South Carolina to see Pretty because she didn’t pack any pills. Nope. I knew we couldn’t be going very far since the medicine bag was still in the closet. Well, we could have been going to the cemetery, but I hadn’t been back to the cemetery since the Infamous Bull Chasing Incident. Nope. Not likely to be going to the cemetery again any time soon. Sniff. Sniff. Hmmm…what was in those bags in the back seat? Uh, oh. Toothpaste, tissues, hair spray, hand lotion and Depends. Not one, not two, but three packs of Depends. Ding, ding, ding – we have a winnner! We were on the way to see Granny Selma for sure. I tried to prepare myself. I hadn’t been to the Big House in a long time.
Granny Selma used to visit us in South Carolina when we all lived at the Old Home Place. She came several times when I was a pup, and I always enjoyed her visits. One of her favorite games at our house had been Count the Dogs. Let’s see, she’d say, here’s one…two…three…FOUR dogs. That’s right, Selma, Pretty would say. We have FOUR dogs. Then we’d all go on our merry way for maybe fifteen minutes and Granny Selma would play the same game again. She loved that game, but it wasn’t too fun when it was the same answer every time. Slow would shake her head and roll her eyes and look at Pretty with this puzzled expression. Then, Pretty would shake her head, too.
The last time Granny S visited us was at Christmas one year. Pretty and Slow wanted to take GS out to eat on Christmas Eve and, of course, nothing was open. That was back in the Mexican Restaurant Era, and they were sure they’d find one open somewhere. Alas, not to be. No fajitas, not a cafeteria, no chicken wings or fingers, no delicious hamburgers, nothing. Just as they were about to give up their search, they found a Sonic Drive-In that was open. Pretty drove the car to the drive-thru window to place their order. She and Slow were sitting in the front seat and GS was in the back seat. Pretty was in the middle of giving the Sonic woman their order when all of a sudden Granny Selma rolls down the window in the back seat and starts yelling real loud This is to go! This is to go!
Sigh. At any rate, now I visit Granny Selma in the Big House, and I have to say it’s pretty nice as prisons go. All the inmates are friendly if they’re awake and the guards aren’t anything like the ones on Law and Order – SVU. Slow knew the secret code to get us into the lock down unit this afternoon, and we found GS sitting in a chair in the tv room with the others. Hey, yo, Granny Selma, what’s up?
GS looked happy to see us and had her usual trouble with my name. Did you say his name is Will? she asked Slow. No, it’s Red. Rick? No. Red. A tall man sitting in a chair next to Granny Selma had a firm grasp of the problem and said to her That woman said his name is Red. R-E-A-D he spelled it out. Okay. I’ll give him an E for Effort. Close enough.
Slow took one of her ancient photo albums with us this time to show Granny S who seemed to enjoy looking at the pictures. She remembered quite a few people in the album and made the tall man look at them with her. He was very grateful for the diversion and at one point told Granny Selma she used to be pretty. Not the best line, but the inmates weren’t known for tact. After the photo album was closed, we sat and watched tv with GS and her gang for a little while. Sidney Poitier sang Amen with a group of nuns in a movie, but no one in the tv room sang along. The tall man sitting next to GS got up and left and I saw she was disappointed to see him leave. Granny Selma loves men.
I was entertained by a fat bird walking on the pavement outside in the courtyard, and GS was entertained by The Red Man. She laughed and laughed at every move I made and Slow was pleased to see her so tickled. All in all, it was a good day for Granny Selma’s Gang in Maximum Security.
Now I need to catch a few zzz’s. That trip wears me out, and word has it Pretty is coming to town this week. Rest up, Worsham Street, we’d better get ready for some Action! Zippity do dah, zippity yay!!
P.S. It’s not too late to register your vote in my 100th Post Poll – vote now or forever hold your peace or piece or something.