Well, amigos, The Red Man has a confession to make tonight. I know, I know, I know. Whenever we hear someone talk about confessions, it’s typically an ill wind that blows nobody good and it’s even worse when one of our idols such as moi begins to mention a possible chink in the armor of invincibility. We tend to get nervous and uncomfortable – much like we did during the Clinton Doghouse Days or the Tiger Woods Sexual Sand Traps or Dick Cheney’s Quail Hunt with the Shot Heard ‘Round the World. Yessiree, yessiree, yessiree…nervous, nervous, nervous. That’s how we get.
Which brings me to my personal confession. The Red Man has been diagnosed today with a severe case of stress and a high anxiety level by an Ask the Dr. Vet in cyberspace. Can you believe it?? I mean I knew I was high-strung because the old woman Slow and Pretty call me high-strung with varying degrees of affection depending upon the situation and the volume of my barks and speed of my twirls in mid-air. But, I haven’t been sleeping through the night for the past few weeks down here in Texas so Slow paid $18. to a Vet in the Air to find out what’s wrong with moi. Hence, the diagnosis of stress and high anxiety. Good grief. Shit house mouse.
And here’s the kicker. Dr. Vet- in- the- Air prescribed a D.A.P. which is a Dog Appeasing Pheromone Electric Diffuser for the cure! Say WHAAAAAT?? What you talkin’ ’bout, Willis?? Hello. I can’t even pronounce these words, much less sniff ’em!! Which is evidently how the diffuser “comforts and reassures” the anxious Pup. Yikes – I’m thinkin’ this must be a West Coast Cure and I don’t know if it’ll work so well in Texas but the old girl may give it a try since it’s only $17.99 plus postage. Hmmm…$18. for the Dr. Vet and $17.99 for the D.A.P. Troubling coincidence, as the detective Charlie Chan used to say in the B movies.
Personally, I think Slow might need the D.A.P. more than I do tonight. We went to Huntsville to get her Texas driver’s license today, and the poor old thing stood in line 3 1/2 hours before she finally got it. Clear the streets and highways – Slow and the Dodge Dakota keep on rollin’ and I’m still the Main Passenger. No wonder I’m nervous.
Good night, Sports Fans! Hope you sleep better than I do!