I’m a wreck, I’m a wreck, I”M A WRECK!!!   I couldn’t make this up if I tried and sometimes I do try but tonight the UNTHINKABLE has taken place on my VERY OWN FRONT PORCH on Worsham Street and I am horrified beyond belief.   Horrified, horrified, horrified!  

The evening began like many others with the old woman Slow sitting in her rocking chair on our front porch visiting with one of the Little Women of Worsham Street plus tonight we had extra company because Auntie Am is here from South Carolina.   The Peeps do that a lot in the late afternoons.   Slow has a favorite rocker, and the other Peeps sit in the second rocker or the big swing on the porch.   Rock and talk, swing and talk, talk and talk.   Sometimes they drink a beer and talk or have a glass of vino and talk or have a big girl drink and talk.   Mostly, they love to talk and I can tune them out while I get a few pets from one of them.   The Red Man occasionally needs to be mellow and the front porch was made for mellow.

Spring is in the air, birds are singing, azaleas are blooming, blah, blah, blah.   Harmless pasttimes in a timeless past, right?   I’m living the Good Life right here on the front porch of Worsham Street.

Until tonight.   Tonight I’m standing facing the front door while Slow scratches my back and I’m zonin’ in my mind thinking about Pretty and how much I miss Pretty and not really listening to the Peeps when out of NOWHERE this C-A-T sneaks up behind me like we’re all best friends or something.    SERIOUSLY – this C-A-T that belongs to the Little Woman sitting in the swing was on my VERY OWN FRONT PORCH and right behind me!!  I was so stunned I couldn’t move.   But, Sister, I got over that in a hurry, let me tell you.   The Red Man sprang into attack mode and lunged for the  feline that had clearly gone daft in the head temporarily.   I mean, I startled that pussy.   She took off, and I was right after her with my loudest barking and mid-air theatrics!!   That cat jumped off our porch and ran as fast as she could through the yard with moi in hot pursuit until she found the place where she’d made the mistake of  crawling through our fence and flew through that hole and hauled ass across Worsham Street and over the fence to her own yard.   She lit out like the hounds of the Baskervilles were after her – and he was!  

 Snap my paws and call me disappointed.   Just when I thought I had her, she was gone.   Whew!   I was beside myself with the nerve of that cat.   What did she expect?   Did she think we’d be all nicey-nicey and best friends or something?   Hardly.   The Red Man is definitely NOT a friend of felines and cannot be responsible for their safety when they trespass – especially ones so brazen as this one.

I’ve tried to think what could have possessed that cat to be so foolish and the only explanation I have is I heard Slow tell Auntie Am and the Little Woman tonight that Mercury is in Retrograde, whatever that means.   I think it means Mercury must be one more looney C-A-T.

I DID see a Puddy Tat.