Well, Amigos, The Red Man has to assert his Alpha Dog Status once again with the Pups at Casa de Canterbury. Yessiree, yessiree, yessiree. Yours Truly must whip these big dogs into shape and shake this place up. We’re talking complacency problems and I’m horrified to inform you that Pretty told the old woman Slow these dogs haven’t barked at Daisy along the fence next door since The Red Man has been in Texas…can you imagine?? Daisy has lumbered around with her Hang Dog Registered Golden Retriever Self along our pathetic wire fence for weeks and not one of these worthless Pups has chased her away! For shame on their lazy tongues and paws and Thank God The Red Man is back!!!
Hey, Paw Licker Annie and Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea, I need a little help over here at Neighborhood Fence Patrol if you don’t mind! Shit house mouse – you guys are a piece of work. Whatever.
So, after a harrowing thousand-mile trip across six states I have to assert my superiority as the Leader of the Pack. The Red Man’s work is never done. Ugh. And try jumping up for treats around here in the middle of three Big Dogs when Slow gets all focused on Annie’s medicines for her paw. Geez Louise. Does anybody remember moi’s thyroid pills, for God’s sake?? What if I get attacked by Thyroids in the middle of the night, huh?? SOMEBODY might be sorry then…I’m just sayin’. If you think fleas and ticks are bad, I hope a Thyroid never bites you!
But, here’s the good news. Last night I was rewarded by the best possible Pretty Pets in our big bed at Casa de Canterbury. Pretty was reading her tennis magazine and I laid my head on her comfy stomach and she gave me the most wonderful pets of all time. Sigh. So, you see why I have to come home to South Carolina with the old woman Slow. I could care less about these other Pups since I know Pretty secretly loves me most. Shhhhh…yep, I can feel the love and neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor hail nor an old woman’s fall will keep me from Pretty Pets.
By the way, thanks to all of you who’ve asked about the old woman’s condition. Luckily, she’ll live. I can tell you I was bumfuzzled when she took that tumble in the parking lot next to the Subway in Lucy Anna. I was waiting in the Dodge Dakota and Slow came strolling out with the Little Woman of Worsham Street and the next thing I knew she was down. Yep, now you see her. Now you don’t. But we didn’t let a little thing like a Fall distract us from our mission. We kept on driving and driving until we got to our friendly La Quinta that night in Ali Baba. Tusk a who sa, Ali Baba, home of Peeps who are passionate about a man who wears a funny hat.
Well, the Season may never End, but The Red Man vamoosed out of there as fast as he could and hauled ass to South Carolina and Pretty and the old woman was happy to get out of the pickup and stretch out her knee in a prone position on the king-sized bed, let me tell you. As a matter of fact, she located her Cloverine salve in her medicine chest and thinks that will cure whatever ails her knee. We’ll see. In the meantime, I think I’ll see if Pretty has time for a few pets before I doze off tonight.
Catch you later, Sports Fans and rest up, Daisy – you’ll have a busy day tomorrow!