I do, I do, I DO!! I wanna go, I wanna go, I WANNA GO!!! Zippity do dah, zippity ay. My, oh my, what a wonderful day!! Pant, pant, pant. Bark, bark, bark. Twirl, twirl, twirl…I can’t stand myself when I think about a Tuesday with Mary!! Tuesdays with Mary – oh, the thrill of it makes me tremble with excitement!!
I mean, if you want to make a Top 10 List of The Red Man’s Favorite Peeps, Mary is definitely on the list…I love me some Mary. Mary owns the Fluff ‘N Puff Parlor I’ve frequented for as long as I’ve been with Pretty and Slow. As a matter of fact, when Pretty saved me from the tragedy of the Lexington County Animal Shelter ten years ago, the first place she took me was to see Mary. And THEN she called the old woman Slow to visit me after Mary had made me quite presentable and, dare I say? HANDSOME! Slow was totally defenseless against The Red Man’s charms and good looks and charismatic personality. Even Mary herself was amazed at my transformation from crusty cur to stunning stud!!
Ah, Mary, the wonders you have wrought with your shampoos and lotions and scissors and potions over the years. When I see the scraggly looking pathetic Pups parading through your establishment, I marvel at the miracles you create. Mary the Miracle Worker, Mary the Mystic. I have been to the Mountaintop with you, and I have to say you’re the best. You’re the angel on the angel food cake.
And, by the way, don’t think for a minute that I hold you in lesser esteem for isolating moi in the little cage by the tv near the front door while all the other Pups are in cages on the opposite side of the room. Nosirree, nosirree, nosirree. I prefer to think of it as your Special Place for The Red Man, the place reserved for your Favorite Pup. Oh, yes, and I want you to know I’m not clinging to old grudges for the times you’ve placed a towel over my cage and the telephone book on the towel to keep me in the dark. Perhaps the shrill barks I make to assert my Parlor Presence are somewhat vexing and annoying to you, my sweet Mary, and I try to make allowances for the slight valleys in our relationship when the peaks are so totally worth it.
I share you with Smokey Lonesome Ollie and Paw Licker Annie, but they can’t appreciate you as I do. Their looks are relatively unimportant to them. Of course, if you look at that Ollie, you can see why he can’t ever rely on his appearance. Hello, can anybody out there say Cujo with the one blue eye that never really focuses and the other brown eye that wanders off into space?? And then there’s Annie who’s still looking good for her age but age has taken a toll on her looks, if you catch my drift. I’m just sayin’. At any rate, I wear the mantle of easy on the eyes for the Pack since we can’t count Chelsea who never goes to be fluffed and puffed because she’s a black Lab. Hmmm…I’m not sure what difference that makes, but all I know is she doesn’t go. One less to cram into the cab of the Dodge Dakota.
And so, Sports Fans, I’m exhausted from my Day at the Spa and must make my way to bed. I’ll rest well knowing that once again I look my very best thanks to Mary and the Fluff ‘N Puff Parlor. It’s not easy being DQ material, but somepup has to do it and I’m your guy.
Catch you later on…