Oh, yeah – we’re at The French Open in Gay Paree this week but of course we are there LIVE courtesy of the Tennis Channel in the comfort of our living room at Casa de Canterbury.   Yessiree, yessiree, yessiree.   The old woman Slow leaps out of our comfy king-sized bed every morning these days to race downstairs to turn on the TV at some ridiculous hour to watch the professional tennis players on the red clay courts of Roland Garros.   Well, maybe she doesn’t really leap or race, but I’m serious about the  Ridiculous Hour part, let me tell you.   Like 5 or 6 in the a.m.  so we can watch it LIVE, as if anyone really gives a shit about tennis at that hour.   Even Pretty shakes her head and rolls over when Slow gets up to watch tennis, and Pretty LOVES tennis.   She loves to PLAY tennis, and Slow loves to WATCH tennis.   Big difference.

Well, this morning we got up at our usual crack of dawn, and guess what?   The quarter-finals started today at 8 a.m., if you don’t mind.   8 o’clock, you daffy old twit – make a note of it for tomorrow’s schedule and let’s catch an extra few winks of snooze time!!   Geez Louise.

So, here’s the bad news for us Americanos (that’s Spanish for Americans).   The Tennis Playing Peeps in the USA don’t know how to play on those French courts.   I’m talkin’ can’t play on red clay no way.   Heh, heh.   That’s my little poem for the night.   At any rate, Sports Fans, if you want to be a tennis player in Gay Paree, you have to be mean and lean and a servin’ machine.   Heh, heh.   I’m a poet and don’t know it.   Somebody Stop Me!!

It also seems to be a good thing if you have a name that’s hard to pronounce – like Federer or Schiavone or Kuznetsova or Sharapova or Murray.  Did you say Murray?    Okay, what’s a guy named Andy Murray doing in this group of Tennis Elite Peeps??   Oh, so he’s a Scot??   Well, that explains it.   Scotland is the epicenter of Tennis Greats.   Heh, heh.   Another joke tonight.   The Red Man is on a roll, and so are Federer and Schiavone today.   Stay focused.   Be determined.   Carry a big stick.   Good Luck!!