Well, things are a lot different in South Carolina since we’ve been back this time. For example, Pretty has a brand new job for the last two months plus she still has her old regular job so if you’re looking for Pretty, you better look for her at work somewhere, okay? What, you ask, is Pretty doing these days??
Yep, that’s right. Pretty’s working at some new store called Mast General Store and it’s making the Peeps in Columbia sit up and take notice in their dilapidated old downtown area. Can I just tell you there’s a shitload of Peeps coming downtown to visit this store and they’re all buying CANDY from Pretty!! Yessiree, yessireee, yessireee. CANDY is what it’s all about at Mast these days. The BIGGEST seller is something called Squirrel Nut Zippers followed closely by Maple Nut Goodies, Bit ‘O Honey, Peanut Butter Bars and an assortment of delicious chocolates. And if you want verification of that, be sure and check with the old woman Slow who makes it her business to sample the CANDIES Pretty sells because Mast is also selling Nostalgia for the Good Ol’ Days Slow loves to talk about. They even have the Candy in barrels which remind Peeps of How Things Used To Be. We’re talkin’ about penny candy that sells for $5.99 a pound. Remember penny candy? Well, now it’s $5.99 a pound so grab your green wicker basket and load up!
Now, how much Candy do you think Pretty has sold in this general store since it opened last week? TONS of it, and when moi says TONS, he’s not kidding. We’re talking 2 1/2 TONS in the last seven days…incredible…unbelievable! The Peeps haven’t seen Candy in a LONG TIME evidently because there’s a RUN on Candy!! Once upon a time in a depression long ago and not so far away there was a RUN on Banks and now there’s a recession up close and personal and there’s a RUN on Candy!! I like this RUN much better!!
Plus, The Red Man is pleased to say that Pretty’s store sells Pup Treats, too, so it must be a really good tienda, which is Spanish for store.
Pardon me, but Yours Truly needs to remind Slow to pass out our nightly Buddy Biscuits!!
Catch you later, Sports Fans!