TRIP HIGHLIGHTS
Stopping to Piss in not One, not Two, not Three — but FOUR states today: GeorgeAaah, Ali Baba, Missy Prissy and Loosey Anna! Wherever The Red Man pees, Smokey Lonesome Ollie is sure to follow.
Auntie Am is driving us and she takes us for sniffs and stretches and searches for places to walk off the hot as hell asphalt driveways in the gasoline stations where the old woman Slow bemoans the price of gasoline and mutters to herself when she pumps the gas for the Trusty Dodge Dakota. Yeah, she hopes those oil speculators and hedge fund managers are having a FINE TIME and livin’ it up on HER money that she’s paying them every time she fills up!! Yikes, the old woman must be feeling better. She’s on a roll.
And, of course, who can forget the heart-rending Candlelight Hymns instrumentals on the CD that Slow brought for our listening enjoyment? Oh, yeah. Tap your feet and sing along Karaoke-style to the fabulous sounds of Just As I Am and Amazing Grace and How Great Thou Art and The Old Rugged Cross and Love Divine, All Loves Excelling. Now those are some show stoppers. Sounds like a funeral dirge to me. Poor Auntie Am. Unfortunately, the old woman Slow knows the words to all those ridiculous hymns and not only that but goes off waving her hands and hollering over the Candlelight Hymns on her Baptist Preacher Imitation with her infamous Soul Searching Revival Invitation/Altar Call fresh from her childhood memories of the hot summer nights of revival services at the Richards Baptist Church and of course Auntie Am remembers those glorious experiences too from her earlier days and not only that but she’s a Preacher in real life now so she humors Slow with her Revival Preacher Imitations and laughs along with her theatrics. Geez Louise. Thank God Auntie Am suggested K.D. Lang as a Candlelight Hymns replacement.
Jack’s in Birmingham for lunch. Been in business for 50 years the sign said and we only found it today. Slow said she would eat a chicken salad sandwich Auntie Am brought from her house for lunch. Auntie Am took Ollie and me for our walk and Slow came out with the Big Jack Combo. Cheeseburger that smelled delicious, french fries that were delicious and thanks to the old woman for sharing those fries.
Last stop for the night: La Quinta, of course. Lucky us. A church group of Thousands of Horrible Teenagers on the floor above us. They are running madly up and down the halls above our heads. Why am I being punished? Maybe because I made fun of the Candlelight Hymns Karaoke? Somebody has no sense of humor.
All I wanted was a quiet place to lay my weary head and paws. Sigh.
Think I’ll grab a bite to eat and then claim a place on the comfy bed before the Big Gray Dog gets the best spot for watching TV.
That’s it for First Day Highlights, Sports Fans. Stay tuned.
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