Dear Pretty,
I am compelled to write you tonight to give you an update on our plight in Texas without you. Alas, we are undone. The old woman Slow has been busy with an assortment of Texas Cousins from both sides of her Peep Family traipsing in and out of Worsham Street like a Parade. I half expect to see a Drum and Bugle Corps next. I mean, where do all these Peeps come from, for God’s sake, Pretty? And how does one OLD woman have so many cousins still ALIVE, I ask you? Jeez Louise. Talk about good genes – she’s clearly got longevity working for her on both family tree branches. I guess that’s the Good News AND Bad News for you, if you catch my drift.
And of course we have the prime example of Granny Selma who is as old as dirt but more than a little bit out in left field in the grand scheme of things and you know she ain’t right because she lives in that maximum security prison with the other Wonky Peeps. Yeah, Slow has been to visit Granny Selma twice now and she leaves Smokey Lonesome Ollie and moi by ourselves for HOURS. HOURS, Pretty, and I know you won’t like to hear that I’m stuck with just Ollie for so long. As a matter of fact Slow went to see Granny Selma this very day and left me with The Dull One for an eternity. Shit house mouse. Pardon me, Pretty, but I want you to get the full picture of what’s going on down here.
Auntie Am left us day before yesterday, and we had a nice visit with her. She was as busy as she could be trying to do a few chores for us on Worsham Street. Now there’s a lesbian who understands the importance of a job well done and doesn’t spend all of her time in a rocker on the front porch like SOME lesbians I know. You know who I mean, I’m sure. At any rate, Auntie Am tried her best to leave everything ship-shape and I think we owe her one for that.
Well, Pretty, as you can see we are a total wreck without you. I’ve tried to spare you the other sordid details such as the news of our pet Armadillo which looks like a very round cat with scales and has decided to move under our house and live happily ever after. I’ll save that story for another night.
For now, I’ll just say we’ll take care of the old woman for you and keep you posted as often as the HEAT allows. I hope I haven’t died and gone to HELL. That would certainly be a mistake on Somebody’s part, wouldn’t it?
Nitey-nite, Pretty. Sleep tight.
Remember The Red Man loves you.
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