So you have your proverbial Good News and Bad News. The Good News is we got our Christmas presents early and today the old woman Slow went to PETCO and bought me and Paw Licker Annie some great things like a new bed for each of us and a new noise-maker baby for each of us so we can eat them up and dig out the plastic sound guts and pretend to eat those just to irritate Slow. Oh, plus she brought us several kinds of delicious treats and a big bag of our favorite dog food. Merry Christmas to The Red Man and Paw Licker Annie from Slow and Pretty, she kept saying as she doled out the goodies to us when she got back from her visit to see Granny Selma. Ho, ho, ho – Santa Claus LOVES The Red Man and Paw Licker Annie, she said over and over again. Let the good times roll, I thought. Christmas rocks on Worsham Street.
Yeah, and then comes the Bad News.
So I’ve been having this tiny problem I was reluctant to mention to my Amigos in cyber space because I didn’t want to be a Debbie Downer in the Holiday Season but now I must tell you I had a small accident when I was on my Great Outdoor Adventure in the Woods a couple of weeks ago. Yessiree, The Red Man lost a Paw Nail to a tree trunk trap somewhere north of the West Montgomery County Park when I was running through the briars and brambles. At any rate, I find not having a nail is annoying and requires a great deal of licking to make it feel better. Unfortunately, the licking also seems to generate a trail of blood everywhere I walk and the old woman overreacts like she always does to everything and now calls me Paw Licker Red.
Well, well, well. Congratulations are in order because I am currently wearing something called a COMFY CONE that has the bullshit saying of Feeling Bad Never Felt So Good imprinted as the tag line for its name! Seriously??
If that’s true, why don’t I ever see any Peeps in a Comfy Cone? I’m sure you catch my drift tonight and I’m here to tell you The Red Man’s affection cannot be bought by a couple of toys and a new bed. I am Pissed Off and I don’t care who knows it. Merry Christmas, my ass. Sadly, Paw Licker Annie also has a new Comfy Cone. Dear God, we are twins. Who could have envisioned this?
Get me outta here, Percy, before I say something I might possibly regret later on…which is when I’ll catch up with my Sports Fans…thanks for staying tuned.
Red's Rants and Raves 