So the old woman Slow has these Peep First Cousins who live over in Navasota which is only about 25 miles from our house on Worsham Street and she goes over to see them or they come over to see us every once in a while and I have to tell you they are T-R-I-P-S. They are Granny Selma’s nephews (need I say more?) and the sons of her older brother Charlie who has long ago gone to the Peep Great Beyond. Ok, here’s the first problemo. Granny Selma’s last name before she married Slow’s daddy was Boring. Correctomundo, which is Fonzie Italian Speak for you got that right sweetheart. Ergo, the first cousins are affectionately deemed the Boring Boys by Slow. For some reason known only to her, she loves these three men who ride to our house to drink White Lightning from her liquor cabinet and roll their own cigarettes from a can of tobacco they carry with them wherever they go. The Boring Boys are anything but boring.
Well, they came to see us yesterday so they could go with Slow for a Christmas visit to see Granny S at her Meadowbrook Personal Residence in Willis. Only two came since the third was incapacitated due to his being overserved with White Lightning at his own house. I always hate it when the Skinny Man doesn’t come since he’s the guitar player. Whatever. We ended up with the Bearded One and the Organ Player who got Granny Selma’s keyboard abilities. You never know where a musical gene will pop out and this one is a prime example of heredity versus environment. The OP is a Church Musician, too, just like Granny S was in her heyday, in a church there in Navasota.
Now the Bearded One is a big talker and always has some bullshit story to tell and sometimes I listen and sometimes I don’t but yesterday he told one that blew my paws out from under me. Seriously. It seems that the Bearded One went to church with the Organ Player yesterday morning for their annual Christmas Music Extravaganza and they got there early so the OP could practice with the choir and the Bearded One decided to walk around outside the church while he waited for the program to start so he could smoke a homemade cigarette. Here’s where we hit the second problemo. He made the mistake of meandering over to the Outdoor Nativity Scene that was set up for Christmas on the church’s front lawn.
As he tells it, everything looked just like it did last year and the year before that. Sheep and cows lying down on the ground and little shepherd boys holding some in their arms and Joseph standing tall and Mary kneeling and everybody and everything gazing toward the center of the manger at the Baby Jesus in the cradle. But, then…BOOM! Baby Jesus wasn’t there…nope not a sign of him – the Bearded One was stunned, so he said, as everyone and everything looked down at nothing!
He tried to rationalize in his mind that maybe since it was the week Before Christmas, Mary hadn’t had the baby yet so he looked at her belly which was flat and he knew that wasn’t the explanation. He was perplexed and very upset as he surveyed the Nativity Scene sans Baby Jesus. Something was dreadfully wrong. He didn’t go to church every Sunday, but he sure knew a problemo in a Nativity Scene when he saw one.
Then all of a sudden, the Organ Player who is always the quiet one interrupted the story to say that he had forgotten to tell the Bearded One but the Baby Jesus had been stolen last week. That’s right. Stolen along with his cradle. Ripped off from the front yard of the church. The preacher had announced a reward from the pulpit the previous Wednesday evening for anyone having information concerning the whereabouts of the missing Baby Jesus with his cradle.
At this breaking news from his brother, the Bearded One said whoever would steal a Baby Jesus would certainly Burn in Hell. Slow and the Organ Player agreed with him on that and no one said any more about it.
Don’t these Peeps have any sense? When you have a mystery this BIG, you need to call in Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson to locate the missing Baby Jesus. We’re talking perfect track record here on The Closer. She always gets the Perp Peep. As a matter of fact, I need to watch her new episode right now so I’ll say good night to my Sports Fans in cyber space and a word to the wise should be sufficient. Make sure your manger is safe.