I don’t like to brag, but I’ve always had this ability to predict Weather Changes when precipitation is in the air. I’m talking about ANY precip from a dripping drizzle to a Raining Cats and Dogs downpour complete with white lightning and rolling thunder. It’s a blessing and a curse, let me tell you. All of us who have the Gift of Prophecy know it’s a two-edged sword. On the one hand, you don’t get a lot of surprises in life. On the other hand, it’s Freaky because you don’t get a lot of surprises in life.
Today was one of those days when I knew something was WRONG as soon as I woke up early this morning to the sound of the old woman Slow’s cell phone ringing before 8 o’clock. Of course, the first thing I thought was Granny Selma had gone on to meet her Maker but no that wasn’t it. And then I thought maybe something bad had happened to Pretty but no that wasn’t it either, thank goodness. And then, it HIT me like a bolt of lightning. Paw snaps! I started to tremble and shake all over ’til my teeth rattled so I knew there was a Storm Brewing. That’s what happens when a big dose of Clairvoyance slaps me upside the head. I tremble and shake and go into this Trance in case the gods deliver a special message to me during the precip. So far, they haven’t.
Well, the next thing I knew the old woman Slow leaped out of bed and started running around grabbing up her computer and camera and check books and truck keys and billfold and Ipad and watch and rings and a Diet Coke and a King-Sized Hershey Bar with Almonds and a bottle of water and putting them in the closet in our bedroom. Paw Licker Annie was still asleep but Slow woke her up and then here we were…
In the closet. Yep, that’s me and Paw Licker Annie after Slow shut the door in our faces and sat down in the closet with all of her cables and wires and devices around her and us looking at the door for escape. Alas, we were STUCK in the closet with Slow while the storms raged over our heads. Slow called Pretty as soon as she sat down and we heard her say the Montgomery County Emergency Peeps had called her to warn her we might have a Tornado or some bullshit like that which is why we were all crammed into the closet like a can of sardines, for God’s sake. Must’ve been quite a long time since Slow’s been in the closet. Heh, heh…my little homosexual humor for the night.
And Sisters and Brothers, we had us a humdinger of a storm here in Texas. Luckily, we were all fine except for the psychological scars associated with closet confinement. The Red Man will survive, but Paw Licker Annie may never be the same. Worsham Street will survive but the tree in the yard next door to us didn’t make it.
So that’s the Weather Report from Texas tonight in the ‘Hood. If you’re gonna live in Texas, be prepared for Dramatic Weather Happenings. If it’s not Wildfires and drought, it’s Hurricanes and tornadoes. Hey, Percy, I’d like a little shot of Dull please.
Ok, here we go. Count on a bird to be the first to shake off a storm.
If winter comes, can spring be far behind?