Hey there Sports Fans – hang on to your baseball caps and let’s play JEOPARDY tonight! That’s right, and the contestant with the most Yummy Treats wins a roundtrip all-expense paid visit for a photo op with the Baddest Dog on the Internet a/k/a The Red Man courtesy of my favorite talk-show host Ellen who has more money than Oprah these days evidently because she’s always giving away a shitload of stuff. Of course, I’ll have to work that prize thing out with her at a later date, but don’t let that keep you from playing, okay? Ready, Set – Let’s Play!!
The only available category is Road Trip…too bad for all you history buffs and geography whizzes. Live to play another day.
The first question is for 1 Yummy Treat.
Name two dogs who left Worsham Street this morning in the Dodge Dakota to go on a Road Trip with the old woman Slow.
Answer: Who are Paw Licker Annie and The Red Man.
ding, ding, ding Correct for 1 Yummy Treat! (Paw snaps! Paw snaps!) Keep up the good work.
The second question is for 2 Yummy Treats. Here we go.
How many Texas Prison Farms did Slow drive through when she refused to listen to the GPS lady who kept screaming Recalculating, Recalculating while the Dodge Dakota wandered in circles between Huntsville, Texas and Trinity, Texas less than 30 miles from Worsham Street?
Answer: What are Two Prison Farms?
zonk! My God, no – that would be FIVE Prison Farms and I’m not sure whether we should count an extra one for the Farrow Barns, if you don’t mind my smelling. A Farrow Barn is a fancy word for PIG STY and Brother, I saw about a gazillion Hogs swilling around in the mud out there in the middle of Convict Land. Sweet Jesus. U-G-L-Y.
The third question is for 3 Yummy Treats. Now, this is a tough one, so put those thinking caps on tight.
ding ding ding OMG, it’s the Daily Double so this will be for 6 Yummy Treats!
Name the ONLY TWO Pit Stops The Red Man and Paw Licker Annie had today on their NINE HOUR trip from Worsham Street, Texas to the La Quinta Motel in Brandon, Missy Prissy.
Answer: What are I wouldn’t bother if I were you and the equally popular don’t try finding them on a map, either.
zonk! Pit Stop number one was the Carl Monk Sr. Scenic Overlook in Nacogdoches County, Texas which might have been scenic at some point but old trees now block whatever view it’s supposed to be. Pit Stop number two was the Mt. Mariah Methodist Church on some God-forsaken road in LooseyAnna on the other side of Shreveport. The hits just keep on rollin’. Please note the Mt. Mariah Church had a cemetery attached which makes it doubly fascinating for Slow.
Well, looks like no one scored enough Yummy Treats for the Big Win tonight, but maybe we’ll play again tomorrow night. In the meantime, sorry you missed Logansport, the little town on the Texas – LooseyAnna border. It’s a great spot right there on the Sabine River and it has to keep two states happy.
It’s Mardi Gras!! Party Hearty!!
P.S. I can’t make this stuff up.