Serves her right, serves her right…serves her, serves her…serves her right. Told you so, told you so…told you, told you…told you so! This is what happens when The Red Man is left at Casa de Canterbury with Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea and the old woman Slow and Pretty choose Paw Licker Annie and Smokey Lonesome Ollie to take with them on their St. Patti’s Day Hike. Yeah, while most of the town revelers celebrate and party in Five Points with bands, beer and bookoos of Peeps running around loose less than a mile from our casa which is Spanish for house, Slow and Pretty take a hike. Think lesbians. Think their idea of fun which I am totally cool with since I LOVE the great outdoors but I am NOT cool with being left behind with the black Lab. Think pissed off.
Now think LOL because that’s what I did when I heard Pretty telling the Great Peachtree Rock Hike Story to a friend last night on the phone. Oh, Brother.
So everything started out A-okay evidently. Pretty was in charge of finding this place out in the middle of nowhere near Swansea which is miles past the airport and a forty-five minute ride in the Dodge Dakota. Beautiful day…blue skies…white puffy clouds, blah, blah, blah.
Pretty took Ollie on the leash for a little while since there were a few other Hiker Peeps probably also lesbians on the trail. Paw Licker Annie never needs a leash because she’s stuck like glue to Pretty and ignores everyone else. Zippity-do-da, zippidy do-day, huh? What could go wrong, right?
So they walk and walk and eventually see the Actual Peachtree Rock. Big Deal. For this they named an Historic Whatever? Geez Louise. Much ado about nothing. So it’s huge and a gazillion years old. So you can see all these layers and geological strata or some bullshit like that. So where’s the Peeps? I mean, what happened to the Peeps from around here who were that old? I’ll ask Granny Selma the next time I see her. She’s about as old as Peachtree Rock and could probably tell me what happened if she could remember past two seconds ago, bless her heart. Don’t count on GS for help on a geology quiz. Nosirree.
Leave it to Paw Licker Annie to find the waterfall…the old girl probably needed a drink.
WHOA, HOW HOT WAS IT, PAW LICKER ANNIE?!
Pretty took the High Road, as she always does, and wondered why Slow was so slow. Heh, heh.
Smokey Lonesome Ollie tried to follow Pretty but freaked himself out on a higher rock and froze. Couldn’t get down, of course. Old Full of Adventure Himself. That must’ve been a sight. I’d paid good money to see that.
Once reunited at the waterfall, the little party of four headed back to the pickup. And that’s when it all went downhill, and I’m not talking about the land levels on the trail.
Slow hollered to Pretty that she had left her precious camera case at the waterfall and that she was going back to get it and for Pretty to go on ahead with the dogs and she would catch up. Pretty said why don’t you let me go get it for you and macho Slow said Oh, no…Oh, no…I’ll get it since I’m the one who left it and I’ll catch up with you. Famous last words.
Slow did find the waterfall AND her camera case, but she missed the signs to the Parking Lot and wandered in the wilderness for a LONG time. How long was it, you ask? It was SO LONG Pretty called her on her cell phone from the Dodge Dakota and said Are you almost here and Slow said I think so but I’m not sure and could you honk the horn on the pickup so I can know if I’m close so Pretty honked and honked while Annie and Ollie collapsed in the back seat and Slow said well I don’t hear the horn so Pretty said did you walk over the little bridge with the stream running under it and Slow said yes.
Neither Pretty nor Slow knew there were TWO little bridges that looked just alike but were galaxies apart in the woods so Slow walked and walked and then decided she had walked the wrong direction from the little bridge and turned around to try to find the little bridge again and there were no other Peeps on this part of the trail to ask which way to go plus she was getting VERY tired and VERY hot by this time because she didn’t usually walk SO FAR. As in, she usually walked from the kitchen to the den – and they’re the same room at Casa de Canterbury.
Of course, Pretty saved the day as she always does and walked back into the woods and tracked the old woman down using her cell phone and superior wilderness skills and found Slow walking in the opposite direction of where she should’ve been going and led her personally back to the parking lot. As a matter of fact, she ended up pushing her part of the way. Uphill. Poor Pretty. Poor Slow. LOL. H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S! That’ll Teach You to Leave The Red Man at Home! Lesson Learned?
All’s well that ends well, as I’m fond of saying and everyone survived the excitement of losing Slow…and then finding her. The Prodigal Slow returned home.
Get me outta here, Percy. I’ve laughed so hard I need a drink. That’s it for us this weekend – hope all my Amigos had as much fun on their St Patti’s Day…catch you later.