April Fool

The Eyes of Texas are upon Me all the livelong day…if you’re gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a fiddler in the band…I’m out here spreadin’ the message,   doobie-do…God Blessed Texas.   There’s a Yellow Rose in Texas that I am going to see…zippity-do-dah, yippitay-do-ay…I whistle a Happy Tune…the skies at night are Big and Bright…dum dum dum dum….Deep in the Heart of Texas…Yee Haw…take me home, Country Roads to the place where I belong…and it ain’t West Virginia, either.   Nosirree, it’s right here on Worsham Street – Welcome Home, Red Man –  I’m  BAACCKKK!!

Whoaaaa, hold up here a minute, Amigos…this ain’t no Yellow Rose, is it?

Shit house mouse.   Are you frigging kidding me?   This must be Spike.   Oh, Brother.   April Fool.

Ok, so first impressions are tough, but I’d say Spike has the ugh! Sweetness of Smokey Lonesome Ollie and deliver me from another “Sweet Dog” plus the Intelligence of Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea who is intellectually challenged to put it nicely and the Playful Puppyness I find distasteful in all younger male Pups.   I am screwed.

My only hope is that this is one of those April Fool Jokes the Peeps are famous for, and Spike will go to his rightful home a gazillion miles from my ‘Hood here on Worsham Street.   From my lips to God’s ears.

Otherwise, I’ll have to call Pretty to load me up in the Dodge Dakota and get me outta here, Percy…me and Pretty have us a system.  We drove straight through from Casa de Canterbury this weekend.  How far did we drive?   About a thousand miles.   If you don’t believe me, just ask Granny Selma who always used to say that her daughter, who is the old woman Slow,  lived a thousand miles from Texas.   That was back in the Good Old Days when Granny Selma who is as old as dirt still had her right mind and knew what was what.   Those days are gone, let me tell you.

Me and Pretty did manage to catch a few hours of snooze time at a picturesque Rest Area in LooseyAnna.   Well, maybe not Picturesque.   But, no La Quinta for us.  Nosirree.  No Fancy Schmancy fluffy beds for us.  No Big Screen TV for us.   Me and Pretty are Resourceful.   We’re Road Warriors just like all those Kentucky Wildcats and Louisville Cardinals we saw on our trip through the South.   Basketball fans headed to the Final Four in New Orleans.  Oh, yeah – we saw them stopping for a snooze, too, so we had lots of company.  Blue flags flying, red flags flying.  Big time Fun!

Well Sports Fans, here’s hoping all your favorite teams won this weekend and that the April Fool Jokes are Funny…unlike the one the old woman Slow played on The Red Man…it’ll cost her in the long run, let me tell you.

Spike.   As if.   Hrmph.

Author: Sheila Morris

Sheila Morris is an essayist with humorist tendencies and a passion for photojournalism. She has published four nonfiction books including two memoirs, an essay collection and a collection of her favorite blogs from I'll Call It Like I See It. She has been blogging for five years as her alter ego, The Red Man, her rescued Welsh terrier. She is a displaced Texan living in South Carolina with her partner Teresa and their dogs Spike and Charly. Please visit her other blog by clicking on the top of Red's Rants and Raves!

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