Oh, Brother…I take it back, I take it Back, I TAKE IT BACK! Can that crazy dog READ, for God’s sake??
All I have to do is talk about what a GoofBall he is for NOT going anywhere when he jumps the fence and the very NEXT day he jumps the fence and then RUNS AWAY across Highway 105 to the Cedar Brake Park which as everyone knows is the stomping ground for The Red Man when I am Free in the ‘Hood. Seriously, Dude, anything to make a liar out of me and then you run to MY PARK??!! No imagination. None.
Luckily, I saw the whole thing. Yep. The Big Guy climbed the white picket fence while the old woman Slow was adding bird food to the feeder on the other side of our gravel driveway. She had her back turned and Bloop – he was over and ran down the street toward Badger’s house to piss on his fence for a second and then came running back to the old woman who was calmly waiting for him. Bad Move. He came back to her all right and rather than grab him, she moved toward our gate and figured he was behind her. WRONG, O Daffy Twit Breath!
I immediately knew Spike was on the Move so I raced to the fence and barked and twirled and made as much noise as I could to get him to turn around and come home. Too little – too late. He had gone over to the Dark Side and was possessed by the Evil God of Runaway Hounds. Dammit. The next thing I knew Slow picked me up and tossed me in the back seat of the old Dodge Dakota and we were off to the races.
All’s well that ends well, as I am fond of saying, and the Good News is we found him in the park and he willingly got in the truck with us and we brought him home without much fanfare. The Bad News for Spike is I heard Slow calling the Santa Claus-looking Vet this morning to schedule a Snip, Snip for his you-know-what this week. Yeah, he can say goodbye to those jewels and I’ll be happy to welcome him to the Don’t Bother Looking For Those Any More Club. Hah.
Wait’ll he meets another member of our Club. Smokey Lonesome Ollie. We can all compare Notes or something. Swell.
Well, Amigos, it’s another Monday and looks like you made it through the day so remember The Red Man is hoping you have a great week and advising you to guard your valuables, if you still have any.
Get me outta here, Percy…I need to catch a few zzzzz’s and cool off tonight…it’s already HOT in the ‘Hood…
that was totally great!
Thanks so much – this is why I don’t write fiction…my stories weren’t ever as good as Red’s. Thanks for reading!
Could you write about Physics so I can pass Sceince class?
Gosh, Sarah, The Red Man feels your pain but Physics is a mystery to moi. Good luck, though – and thanks for dropping by!