Well, Amigos it’s Monday night and all I can say is thank God the weekend is over and done with and the first day of the work week is also history.   Let’s hope your weekend was a step up from mine because mine sucked the Big One.   Yessiree, unfortunately I have spent most of the past three days in the house on Worsham Street locked behind the baby gate from hell with The Spikester Man who has been confined to his crate.  We are definitely NOT happy campers.

And for what, I ask you?  Of course you know it’s the old woman Slow’s fault.  She’s been ramblin’ around the Texas back roads again for days.   Saturday she saddled up the Dodge Dakota and rode over to the Petree CEMETERY Association Annual Meeting at the Cooks Springs Baptist Church in Crabbs Prairie which is in Walker County just north of Huntsville.   Seriously???  A CEMETERY Association meeting??  I swear the old girl’s got a THING for cemeteries and what kind of a name is Petree anyway.  Shit house mouse.

The Lord’s Kitchen is in the Cooks Springs Baptist Church fellowship hall

(in case anyone has misplaced it)

The Lord’s Kitchen was filled with lots of desserts…

and Sweet Tea and Lemonade

Oh, Okay…now I get it.  Evidently the Cemetery Association Annual Meeting is also an excuse to sample homemade pies and cakes after a big ol’ Texas barbecue lunch.   No wonder Slow darkened the doors of a Baptist Church on Saturday.  She’d drive anywhere for a pecan pie.

Yesterday she stuck us behind the baby gate again and took off to Navasota to a birthday party for one of the Boring Brothers who are her first cousins on Granny Selma’s side of the family and never live up to their name.  Sunday  was apparently no exception as she was gone FOREVER but was thoughtful to bring us a picture of their dog Betsy who was INVITED to the festivities whereas Spike and I were NOT.

Betsy Belongs to the Boring Brothers

Clearly Betsy wasn’t that impressed with the party, but maybe she should’ve been inside rather than on the porch.  Hello – at least she wasn’t locked up in a house ALL DAY.   Lucky her.

To add insult to injury we were unceremoniously plopped behind bars one more time this morning while the daffy old twit drove to Beaumont to see Aunt Sweetie Pie who used to be called Aunt Nicey Nice and the old woman was gone all day today, too.  Let me just take a moment to thank the Little Women of Worsham Street who have rallied to our defense and given us Pee Breaks during our difficult LONG days in jail.   Paw Snaps and Twirls for the LWof W and the treats they gave us.  They rock.

They rock, but the UT Horns and USC Gamecocks don’t.  The Horns took a disastrous turn on Saturday when OU whipped their asses up and down the field and the Gamecocks lost to LSU in Death Valley by two points.  Two lousy stinkin’ gut-wrenching stomach-churning foul- mouthing points.   It was an UGLY football weekend on Worsham.

In the midst of these Dark Days, The Red Man has Good News.   The Best News of all!  Pretty is on her way to Worsham!!  Yep, day after tomorrow Pretty is coming to whisk us away to the north and east to Casa de Canterbury and so all of our troubles will be forgotten.   To quote Willie Nelson, Help me make it through the night until Pretty gets here.  Actually, it’s two nights but one of them is almost over so who’s counting.

And so Sports Fans, never forget it’s always darkest before the dawn so be sure to get some sleep tonight so you can wake up to see the dawn.  I know that’s what I’m about to do.   Catch up with you later.   Get me outta here Percy…