Oh, you better watch out. You better not pout. Better not cry, I’m tellin’ you why. Santa Claus is comin’ to town. Fa la la la la…la la la la.
Swell. Jolly Ol’ Saint Nicholas himself is comin’ to Casa de Canterbury, and The Red Man is feelin’ a tad poorly so we have all this Huge Drama goin’ on at our casa today. Yep, wouldn’t you just KNOW the old woman Slow would drag me off to Hottie Doc’s clinic on the fifth day before Christmas. ‘Twas the Fifth Day Before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirrin’ …except Slow who apparently is a hypochondriac to the nth power and it’s the trickle down theory in operation. Pretty calls Slow a Hypo Homo. Heh, heh. That Pretty is such a jokester. At any rate, Slow worries over the least little medical situation and that trickles down to The Red Man. I mean, it wasn’t like I was dyin’ or anything, but I have been a little off my game the past several days. Hence, my visit to Four Paws Animal Clinic today.
Hottie Doc wasn’t available on such short notice so we saw Dr. Maloney who is normally a very nice vet but I wasn’t in the mood for vets on the Fifth Day Before Christmas. And get this. My diagnosis is Neck Pain which comes as little surprise to my closest friends who consider me a Pain in the Neck on my best days. Shit house mouse. So Dr. Maloney tells Slow she’s sending me home with two drugs, one anti-inflammatory and one muscle relaxer. So far, so good I thought. I’m not one to miss an opportunity for a Feel Good Pill. But then she said it was most important that I rest for the next two weeks – no climbin’ stairs, no jumpin’ on and off furniture. Crate rest ideal.
Are you friggin’ kiddin’ me? Crate Rest Ideal. Oh yeah, for Who? Okay, I can tell you the first problem with that recommendation is I don’t have a crate…
Take a look at my new crate
So Red, what’d you get for Christmas this year?
Oh, I got a new crate and it appears I’ll be spending the remainder of this Holiday Season behind bars.
And a Merry Ho Ho to you, too, Dr. M.
It’s a good thing that woman sent drugs home with me because I am Beyond Pissed Off at this whole crate situation and they all better hope nobody forgets to give me my Happy Pills or The Red Man will make their nights unholy and un-silent. Hey Santa, you might wanna skip Casa de Canterbury this year because God help you if I’m in a Crate when you come trundling in with our treats.
Smokey Lonesome Ollie and Paw Licker Annie could care less
Pretty loves Christmas
and The Red Man loves Pretty
so Pretty gets a pass on the Crate Catastrophe
Well, Sports Fans, my drugs have kicked in and I’m about to drift off to Dreamland where I can promise you I’ll be naughty with the Sugar Plums dancin’ in my head…catch you later on…when sleigh bells ring.
Oh, no Red!!! I took the laptop from Ma and had to write to you myself. I’m in AGONY for you!!! Holy Milkbones, Red!!! Christmas in a crate!!! It’s like some sort of hideous Hallmark movie gone wrong. You’re only hope is that Pretty will feel sorry for you and talk Slow into releasing you. Maybe you ought to howl, “Please release me, let me go,” all night long. That’ll teach her. Oh, man. The crate. That’s the worst. Please get well soon Red Man. I’m praying to St. Francis for the humans to come to their senses.
Dear Poppy Seed,
Thank you very much for your wonderful surprise note and The Red Man wants you to know that you are the Only True Love of his life. The Crate is, indeed, a nightmare but Slow relents and lets me out some. I think she misses me if you want to know the truth. I am trying desperately to find the Christmas Spirit in that abominable Crate, but it’s impossible. Bah Humbug. Keep praying to St. Francis. I think I feel better now. I’m not sure if it’s St. Francis or the painkillers mixed with muscle relaxers. Whatever, The Red Man will keep in touch during the Holiday Season.
hope everyone feels their best soon
Thanks so much, terry1954…we are working on it! Take care of yourself during this Holiday Season, ok? We are pulling for you! Merry Christmas and may the New Year bring resolutions to the longings of your heart…