OMG Pretty is on a rampage today so we’ve all run for cover and are trying to avoid the Uproar that follows when Pretty gets Up-in-Arms over a C-A-U-S-E. Shit house mouse. It all started last night when she went to the movies by herself after she got off work at the Mast General Store. There’s a movie theater called The Nickelodeon right next door to the store and she went to see a movie called Blackfish. I heard her ask the old woman Slow to go with her yesterday but Slow said she’d rather walk barefooted over hot coals than go see that whale movie.
Well Amigos, Pretty came in raving about the movie last night, but Slow had already taken a magic pill and fallen asleep sitting up in bed playing poker on her iPad so she wasn’t in any condition to comprehend the magnitude of Pretty’s outrage. Alas, Pretty had to save the dissertation on Tillikum the orca at Sea World until breakfast this morning since it was her day off and she and Slow started the day together with TMI about the plight of whales in captivity at Sea World. Honest to God, I know entirely too much about man’s inhumanity to whales after Pretty’s passionate rants.
Of course Slow went right along with Pretty and was horrified by the treatment of the whales in the movie and jumped on the bandwagon and moved on to her opinion of zoos and why in the world were there zoos with all those wild animals in small cages and she didn’t even like to go to zoos any more and then Pretty says that now that she’s had time to think about it the same thing was true about DOGS.
Now when she started talking about DOGS being in captivity and domesticated, I have to admit I started paying closer attention. Yessiree, thousands of years ago dogs were really Wolves in the Wild and would still be there if Peeps hadn’t started bringing them in to their castles Pretty said. That’s right Slow agreed as she put in her two cents’ worth about how it was really Royalty that could afford to feed the dogs and keep them inside in captivity. Not to mention the vet bills.
At this point they both looked around at the four of us lying around on the sofa in the living room and on the floor in the kitchen and Pretty said our dogs probably just love us because we feed them. Slow shook her head and said No our dogs truly love us and anyway none of them could survive in the Wild anymore.
Whaaaat? Paw snaps and twirls – The Red Man had a great idea. Another whale named Willy was freed about twenty years ago and all must’ve gone well because we never heard any bad news about him did we. Let’s free Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea and Spike, too. Let them have their emancipation from Casa de Canterbury. That would leave moi and Paw Licker Annie who can’t live forever.
Free Spike – he’s looking for the Wild anyway
Free TBO Chelsea?
(she could stand to miss a meal or two)
Keep Paw Licker Annie
So Sports Fans, the moral of this story is to avoid Pretty when she’s preaching from her pulpit because sometimes her sermons hit too close to home. And never EVER ask Pretty to go to Sea World.
Thank God she and Slow went to see The Butler this afternoon and had a good cry together. Slow said she’d take Oprah over the Orcas any day.
Get me outta here Percy…I’m exhausted from the high drama on the Big Screens and Small fish tanks…
Red's Rants and Raves 
that was so cute. It is hard for a writer to place themselves in another person’s shoes and speak or write I should say. A lot of writers talk from our own view. you do a very good job every time!!!
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Thanks terry1954 – I’ll take that as a compliment!! 🙂
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Now now Red Man! You’d miss them if they did go native 😉
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Seriously?? Oh well, I suppose in some small way you may be right. 🙂 Who would I have to routinely aggravate??!!
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You said it!
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🙂
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Very good story, enjoyed reading it, WOW< poor little whales. Pretty is something else. Dogs must truly love us and not just hang around for the food, because my Betsy lives outside and not in a fence. She is free to come and go as she pleases but 90% of the time is sleeping right in front of the door outside. Oh, she leaves the house alright, she chases after the local game and can smell them really well, she catches a whiff of something and she lets out a big howl and off she goes, sometimes returning with an armadillo or rat carcass. So, there is plenty to eat out there but she still eats her food each morning with us and has never not spent the night with us out here on the country hill. Love ya'll and love to all whales, wherever they may be located, and to all dogs, especially yours.
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Greetings Church Organist – your Betsy is a Special Dog!! She roams free but chooses to stay with you and her Country Farmer so that’s why The Red Man thinks she’s wonderful. She really loves you both. Our dogs see the good, the bad and the ugly but choose to remember the good. Much love to you and yours this Friday eve. 🙂
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Ok, first of all, Mommy says she wants a magic pill. I have absolutely no idea what she means by that, so on to me and what I have to say: Don’t tell Pretty and Slow, but I kind of like my captivity. I mean, I live in an air conditioned house, I have three beds, so pretty much any time I get tired I’m just a few steps from la la land. People open doors for me . . . like all day long whenever I want them too. Food magically appears in my bowl just seconds after I ask for it. And I have drivers. For me, captivity is a pretty good gig. In fact, every once in a while, Mommy gives me kind of a jealous look, which scares me just a little. 🙂
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Well Miss Harper Lee as always you cut right to the chase and remind The Red Man of priorities. Free food prepared with no effort on our part. A nice choice of beds. Of course you are fortunate to not have to share yours with others who are Bed Hogs and Night Owls and poker players. But I get your point. Captivity has the pluses going on for it. Notice I didn’t ask to free myself – only TBO Chelsea and Spike. 🙂
Please tell your mommy the old woman Slow is horrified that she has no magic pills. Since menopause and all that hormonal bullshit, Slow has the medical assistance she needs every night for sleep. The old girl couldn’t live without it now. Packs them up whenever she goes ANYWHERE. Along with the other pills that make her a Traveling Medicine Lesbian.
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Red Man, your Poppy is in charity with you. I would like to see a certain little interloper set free. She’s claimed Ma’s lap for her curly-tailed little self. Not that I ever wanted to sit on Ma’s lap, but there is some sort of principle being violated. Oh well, it’s a dog’s life as “they” say.
Glad things are calmer around the “den,” Red. When the two-leggeds get their undies in a bunch they forget about things like a timely Milk-bone delivery.
Hugs and sloppy Poppy kisses!!!
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Oooo!!! Ma forgot to tell you she LOVES seeing your portrait as the new header. You look great!!!
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Thanks to your Ma!! 🙂
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Uh oh. Madame Cassie is a Lap Dog – the very worst problemo for you Miss Poppy. You must remind the little curly-tailed little interloper that you are the Ruler of this Roost. You have nothing to fear but fear itself. I just made that up. 🙂
Milk-bone delivery has been abysmally slack lately at Casa de Canterbury. They will pay dearly.
Have pillow talks with Madame Cassie and she will come around.
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Love how those dramatized celluloid creations get people energized for a bit. I lived with my uncle, a National Park game biologist, when he was doing a study on Killer Whales. Is that one of those PR situations where Orca sounds better to the public than Killer Whale? Anyway…they need to be attention paid, even when the films go to video. Sounds like Pretty is working on it. My advice: stay out of the way until the wake settles.
Later…
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Interesting you had an uncle who was a national Park game biologist…I swear you have the most fascinating relatives…probably explains a lot of your murkiness. Your next tee shirt needs to mention murkiness btw. 🙂
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I like the fact that the closest thing to my name in Spanish is Oscar, and the word for dark or darkness is Oscura. That could be he beginning of a t-shirt scrawl.
Later…
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Perfect. Oscura becomes murky. I can see it now. 🙂
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