OMG, picture this in your wildest imagination. Pretty and the old woman Slow get all gussied up for one of their boring Gaylas and take off like a herd of turtles for Embassy Suites Hotel at 6 p.m. to attend the South Carolina Equality Coalition Inaugural Gala on the final Saturday night of October. They will meet three hundred of their closest co-conspirators for cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, silent auctions, buffet supper, boring speeches, handing out awards, a famous singer and disco dancing. A night of uncontrolled debauchery like only the gays can plan, right? Oh, and they have to start early so they can all be home by 10. Geez, it’s hell being OLD revolutionaries.
What’s worse is this is a Saturday night in October during college football season, and all of us at Casa de Canterbury know that nothing is more important to the lesbians in some households than football so we can blame the gay men for putting on this show while the Cocks traveled to Mizzou to play football at 7 p.m. Mizzou happened to be the Number 5 team in the nation, if you catch my drift, so let’s just call this one a Big Game for the Cocks.
Pretty and Slow fussed and fumed over recording the game before they left for the Gayla. Honestly, those two lesbians are a disgrace with their pathetic Digital Technology skills. Shit house mouse.
Four hours later they came flying in the front door like the Hounds of the Baskervilles were after them and they didn’t stop to say hi or anything to any of us. They just yelled at each other to get the game on the TV. Lo and behold, they got back just as the Cocks and Mizzou had ended the game in a tie and were going to Overtime. Hallelujah.
17 to 17 Tie at end of Regulation
Unbelievable because the Gamecocks had been down 17 to 0 until the final quarter of play when the ol’ Ball Coach had switched quarterbacks and put Connor Shaw in as a last-ditch measure. Evidently this was about the time Pretty had started looking for Slow at the Gayla and found she had sneaked out to the Hotel Bar and was watching the Game on the big screen TV with a bunch of men who had clearly not been at the Gayla. However, Pretty arrived to see a young man who had been at the Gayla and was dressed in a cape with a crown on his head like a beauty pageant queen swoop past Slow and say Well, so this is where all the butch guys are. Sweet Jesus.
QB Connor Shaw is fired up
Running Back Mike Davis left it all on the field
Freshman Walk-on Kicker Elliott Fry the Hero
Final Score in OT Cocks 27 – Mizzou 24
Last week the Worst Coach Ever –
this week the Genius
Well, The Red Man is at a loss to tell you what happened in the bleacher seats here at Casa de Canterbury when the Cocks won – it was embarrassing for the family as we watched Slow and Pretty jumping around and hugging and kissing each other and hollering and carrying on like it was the Second Coming and they were going to be taken. Those two need to get a room. Oh, that’s right. They have one, and it’s here. Heh, heh. My little joke for the day.
Helmet Sticker for QB Shaw on today’s ESPN College Football Final
The Red Man sends Paw Snaps and Twirls to QB Connor Shaw for snatching victory from the jaws of defeat in Missouri last night and to the kicker for our team and to the ol’ bald Coach without whom none of us would be here.
Get me outta here Percy…there’s dancing in the streets and we party…