Hahaha.   Paw Snaps and Twirls.  Well, Amigos, all I can say is The Red Man still has some gas left in his tank and he burned it in Rosewood yesterday afternoon during the Daily Field and Forest Walk.  Yessiree, The Red Man left the Big Dawgs and the old woman Slow scratching their tails and wagging their heads when they got back to the Dodge Dakota pickup and realized Somebody was M.I.A.   Missing in Action.  I wish I’d had been a flea on the upholstery.

It was so easy.   Here’s how it went down.

Slow decided to take the whole three- pack with her for the afternoon Freedom Walk.  You know, no leashes attached, just dogs on the loose.  She usually decides she can manage with Two but whichever one of us doesn’t make Slow’s Choice pitches a hissy fit…so yesterday for some reason known only to her, she took all Three of us.  Classic mistake.

Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea chased tennis balls in the field until she got tired and dropped the ball somewhere out of sight and out of her mind.  Spike ran off into the woods and we heard him barking at squirrels from Wherever.  Of course, I cleverly pretended to be fascinated with Slow and TBO Chelsea and ran around in their vicinity until we reached the halfway mark of our mile-long outing and all started back through the woods for the Dodge Dakota.

Spike came racing over to the trail where we were walking together at this point and then he dashed off excitedly to chase another squirrel.  That’s when I made my move.  Heh, heh.  Couldn’t have been sweeter if I’d run for a touchdown against Mizzou.  I ran off in the direction of Spike and then The Red Man made a U-turn.

Slow and TBO Chelsea walked North and Spike ran parallel to them in the same route, continuing his insane loud noises crashing around in the underbrush and trying to catch the little furry creatures that taunted him.  Slow kept calling him to come with her and was preoccupied with getting him on track.

As for The Red Man, well, I ran South.  And ran  And ran. And ran.  I ran through the briars and I ran through the brambles and I ran through the bushes where the rabbits didn’t go, to borrow a phrase from Johnny Horton.   I ran so fast that the hounds couldn’t catch me on down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

Actually, not quite that far but I did run out of those woods and across the busy street in front of the Boys and Girls Club on S. Holly and I caught the sounds of horns honking and brakes screeching while I kept running.  I swear it was the like the Good Ol’ Days when I used to escape if I saw a crack in Homeland Security like an open gate or door.  I mean to tell you I ran so fast I was a BLUR.

And then, as so often happens on my solo adventures, I slowed down and looked around and wondered where the hell I was.  Geez Louise and Sweet Lady Gaga.  Shades of Lewis and Clark.  Where am I now that I need me.

The next thing I knew this nice young man wearing glasses and walking his mutt on a leash came up to me while I was standing somewhere in the vicinity of S. Bonham and St. Elsewhere and said Come here little doggie and grabbed my collar.  Captured.  Game Over.

Of course he had a cell phone and dialed the old woman Slow’s number on my tag.  Do you have a dog called The Red Man he asked.  I could hear her hysterical Yes and I’m out trying desperately to find him right now.  Poor thing.  She was a wreck.

Well, Sports Fans, all’s well that ends well, as I am fond of saying so the nice young man wearing glasses took me to meet Slow who thanked him profusely for “rescuing” me and  was so unnerved she’d forgotten to bring a leash and had to carry me back to the Dodge Dakota and since she’d already been combing the woods for me, she could barely breathe by the time we got back to the truck filled with TBO Chelsea and Spike who were channeling Slow’s anxiety.

Naturally, she had to call Pretty who was at work at the Mast General Store and relay the whole story on the drive home to Casa de Canterbury.  I could tell Pretty took it in stride because she said That’s Red for you.  Practical Pretty.

So today I’ve been in Recovery Mode and sleeping in with Pretty who had the day off.  Whew.  Takes me longer to Recover these days, if you catch my drift.

Get me outta here Percy.  Time for a Rimadyl cocktail.  Catch you later, Sports Fans.