Well Amigos, The Red Man has had a New Briefing last night from our Secret Agent working undercover as the Church Organist for a church In the old woman Slow’s birthplace in the little town of Navasota, Texas. Of course you know it concerns the Case of the Missing Baby Jesus from the outdoor Church Nativity Scene – a case we have been following closely for the past three Christmases.
We all know how a Nativity Scene is supposed to look
Unfortunately, Christmas before last is now considered the Year of Discovery of the Missing Baby Jesus. To review for our new Amigos, the old woman Slow’s cousin who is affectionately known as the Bearded One was rolling a cigarette before church and walked over to smoke at the outdoor Nativity Scene to kill time until church started.
As he got closer to the manger scene where Mother Mary and Baby Daddy Joseph and the sheep and Wise Men were arranged in a semi-circle and everyone was gazing with adoration at the cradle, the Bearded One saw that the Baby Jesus was gone. That’s right. Gone. Snatched right out of his cradle.
Well, when he told his brother the Church Organist about the Nativity problem, the Church Organist asked the Preacher about it and the Preacher said the Baby Jesus went missing the previous Christmas but that the Decorations Committee decided not to get another one because no one would notice unless they got really, really close to that manger. Case closed.
Last year, both the Bearded One and the Church Organist checked out the manger and found that the Baby Jesus was still missing and that another mishap had occurred with one of the Wise Men who now had a broken leg and was lopsided. Sweet Jesus…or not.
To add insult to injury, THIS YEAR the Bearded One has notified his brother the Church Organist that the plywood manger roof is severely damaged from a recent unusual Texas ice and snow storm that has the whole manger perilously close to falling apart!
The Wise Man’s leg hasn’t been repaired, and the Baby Jesus is still GONE, Baby Jesus, GONE.
The Bearded One continues to roll his cigarettes but looks at the scene with disgust. Doesn’t anyone give a damn about the condition of the outdoor Nativity Scene?
Sadly, the Church Organist reported to Slow that the man in charge of the Decorations Committee which oversees the outdoor Nativity Scene has left his wife and run off with someone else and hasn’t been seen for the last three months. The Decorations Committee has fallen into disarray and has concentrated on the poinsettia for the inside of the church this year.
So at this point it appears that there are now two cases to be solved at the church: the cold case of the Still Missing Baby Jesus and the Newly Missing Manger Manager.
The Red Man is horrified by this turn of events and wonders if by any chance the runaway husband was in the Navy and NCIS could be called in to do an investigation. While they were in town, they might have time to try to find the Missing Baby Jesus which could be on a submarine for all we know. Help! Help! Help! Send in Special Agent Jethro Gibbs and the Gang.
Get me outta here Percy…it’s a world gone mad during the holiday season and I feel the need for eggnog.
And, to add to the stress, I’m almost bedridden at Coach Brown resigning. I knew it was going to most likely happen, but I’m still so sad. Worries me who they will get to coach now.
Greetings O fellow Hook ’em Horns alumni and our deepest condolences on the state of your holiday stress with Coach Brown’s resignation. Untimely loss. However, you will be glad to know that the old woman Slow is very hopeful that the New Hire will possess the qualities necessary to restore the Longhorns to the greatness she remembers in the 1960s. Slow loves the Horns as much as you do and will be atwitter until a new coach is hired. Luckily UT is rolling in oil money from the Major Backers who will pay a pretty penny to get the right guy and we will just say Hook ’em when we find out!!
Merry Ho Ho PLGCM, maybe you can find a cup of eggnog this evening and we will share a toast in cyberspace, ok?
Red Man, use your nose! Isn’t that what a dog’s nose is good for–sniffing out the whereabouts of the missing baby Jesus? Or you could stand outside for hours in the cold, looking really adorable and licking every other person, and collect money for a new baby Jesus.
Alas, Luanne, by the time we heard of the stolen Baby Jesus, the trail was too COLD for my nose. Otherwise, great idea! As for the standing outside and looking really adorable and licking every other person to collect money for a new Baby Jesus, you just might be onto something there…but unfortunately, we are in South Carolina this year. We will pass along suggestion to Church Organist in Texas – he may be able to bring his dog Betsy to the church!! 🙂
Red, that’s an idea! Let’s hope Betsy is cute enough to net 1/2 what you would get for the church!
At last a flawed Nativity scene – more like the world we live in.
Exactly. Of course as an artist you would appreciate that! 🙂
And I thought Louisiana was a crazy place. Turns out we have nothing on that church group in Navasota. There’s probably a special place somewhere warm for someone who would snatch the Baby Jesus from the manger, possibly the same place that the man who used to head the Decorations Committee will be visiting. Mommy joked that the Red Man might possibly play the role of the Baby Jesus in that church manger. Uh oh, looks like Mommy might be going to that warm place, too!
Hahaha – maybe not YOUR Mommy, Miss Harper Lee, but the Bearded Cousin declared three Christmases ago that whoever would snatch the Baby Jesus out of a church manger was going straight to Hell. I’m afraid he felt a little more lenient toward the man who used to head the Decorations Committee. You know how men are. 🙂
There are some very careless folks round your place Red Man – never mind, Baby Jesus is hopefully off having a high time with James Bond.
LOL LITERALLY…the old woman Slow actually cracked up when she read this – the mental image of the Baby Jesus with 007 was perfect! High adventures…:)
Well those are some good ideas for a baby Jesus replacement, I could put Betsy Peneah out front of the church for a while to collect some money, she always smiles at everyone she sees, and she wants them to pet her, that’s it !! we could charge to pet the DOG…Hah….Whoopi and Merry Christmas to all, (poor Nativity Scene)….
Thanks so much to you, Church Organist, for your annual updates on the state of the Nativity Scene which seems to be worse for the wear every year!! You and the Bearded One are apparently the only ones who care!! 🙂
I will miss my cousins this Christmas but send you hugs and kisses and paw snaps and twirls from Casa de Canterbury!!
We are sad without our Ollie and Annie this year. 😦
Ma and I remember this from last year, Red. Ma was hoping the Baby Jesus would be found in a box in the basement. She’s big on that for anything that goes missing. Let’s hope Cassie P and I never end up in that situation – stuffed in a cardboard box until Ma figures it out. We’ll starve! Anyway, it sounds like you have a suspect. A missing Baby Jesus and a runaway wife abandoner (should be a real word!). In the old days that would be enough to get convicted as a witch!!! Somebody needs to get on this. Whaa …
Holy Milkbones, Red. I gotta go. Ma’s giving this dog a bone. Stick a squeaky toy in the manger and call it Oh Holy Night.
Your Miss Poppy Seed
Oh Miss Poppy Seed,
You are a hoot tonight – love the stick a squeaky toy in the manger and call it Oh Holy Night!!!! Too funny. The old woman Slow is laughing about it today.
Yes, it is quite suspicious that the Manger Manager has now gone missing, also. Oh, dear me. Who knew that a Nativity Scene could cause such a storm in Navasota??
The Cousins are reeling. 🙂
This sounds like a rare case of religion uniting a community. Looks like the suspense will continue for another year!
Yes, I’m not sure if the Nativity Scene will last another year – the Church Organist fears for its future!! 🙂