Well Amigos, The Red Man knows thousands of his followers wait anxiously each year for his commentary on all Awards Shows as seen from front-row seats in the comfort of his own living room. Ok, so maybe not thousands or hundreds or even tens – but for sure at least five. And you know who you are. And we are grateful for you.
Julia Roberts being interviewed on the Red Carpet
She didn’t win anything
Sofia Vergara being interviewed on the Red Carpet
She didn’t win anything either, but who cares?
Her jewels were Award Winners
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were the hostesses
They were very cheerful and happy
(Amy Poehler won a Golden Globe as a bonus)
Jacqueline Bisset won an award…
but she was neither cheerful nor happy
Note: Maybe she wasn’t happy because her mother told her when she was a little girl to “Go to hell and don’t come back.” Shit house mouse. At least she won something tonight, so take that, Mom.
Julia Roberts was enthralled by Bono…
who gave a heartfelt speech about Nelson Mandela
Meryl Streep looked gorgeous in her reading glasses
but she didn’t win a Golden Globe
Note: What’s wrong with you foreigners?? Amy Adams over Meryl Streep?? This is the thanks we get for letting you have a three-hour Prime Time Award Show on NBC. Geez Louise. Give The Red Man a vote next year, if you don’t mind, or he’ll watch Downton Abbey instead of the GG just for spite.
Julia Roberts was enthralled by Diane Keaton…
who gave a heartfelt acceptance speech for Woody Allen
but had to be bleeped to keep it Woodyesque
Kyra Sedgwick a/k/a The Closer wasn’t even nominated
but she’ll always be a Winner to The Red Man
Note: PLEASE come back, Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson! My Monday nights haven’t been the same without you. It’s a Major Crime that you’re gone.
Spike lost interest before the Best Comedy American Hustle was announced
Chelsea tried to make herself little to fit on the footstool
Note: She alternated between wigged and bored during the evening. The highlight of her night had been the 5,000 gallons of water flooding the Red Carpet only hours before the walks started. She thought it went downhill after that.
So Sports Fans, another Golden Globes bites the dust and none of The Red Man’s favorites won a thing. Oh, well. There’s always the Oscars. But before that, we will be reporting on the Super Bowl and the Sochi Olympics and only Lady Gaga knows what else so stay tuned.
Now get me outta here Percy…I’ve got to go stop the old woman Slow from rummaging around in her closet to look for her ties she used to wear to work in the Annie Hall era. Pretty hated that look.