I don’t mind telling you Amigos that The Red Man has lived The Good Life with the old woman Slow and Pretty who have been together for 13 years as of yesterday. Yessiree, The Red Man came into their lives a few days after they hooked up so let’s just go ahead and say we’ve all been around the block for a LONG time, if you catch my drift. The Fickle Finger of Fate brought Pretty to the Lexington County animal shelter and pointed her to Adorable Moi and the rest is history.
Don’t think for a minute that I’m ungrateful. Well, go ahead and think it for a minute if you want to because it turns out I’ve always been a Wanderer. They call me the Wanderer, yes I’m a Wanderer…I go round and round and round and round and round. Shit house mouse. What gets into me?
Take yesterday for example. Slow and Pretty made a Big Deal out of their Anniversary. Personally I find the number 13 to be unlucky, but I say let them have their fun if they want to. (Remember my prediction about 2013? I rest my case.)
So the two lesbians went to brunch for a couple of hours and then they came back to Casa de Canterbury all happy happy and told The Three Musketeers we were headed to the country for a run so off we went like a herd of turtles in Pretty’s SUV since the old Dodge Dakota was in the shop.
Arriving refreshed with optimistic attitude
Group activity – love the flamingo
Family walk – everybody free and feeling good
So there we all were – Tennis Ball Obsessed Chelsea, Spike, Pretty and Slow – cheerful as we could be and loving the beautiful outdoors and wonderful camaraderie when all of a sudden I got this overpowering urge to Break Away from the Pack and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Sweet Lady Gaga.
So long Pretty – goodbye TBO Chelsea and Spike
Hello good times
Yeah, I was off all right. I raced up the paved road to the right when they all turned left and the next thing I knew I was a Dog on the Loose all by myself. I ran like the wind…and then I made the mistake of stopping midway up the hill for a second and turned to look behind me. There she came trudging up the steep incline behind me. The old woman Slow. Flailing her arms around and hollering Red! Red! Come back here you little bastard!
Heh, heh. Pathetic, but I gave her The Red Man Classic Look which says, Yes life is good with you and Pretty, but honestly can I do better?
So I turned on my heels and was gone again. Lickety-splitting at full speed. The hollering got fainter and fainter as she struggled up that hill which by now I had reached the top of and Whoa Nellie, I was right in front of a little white country church with a ton of cars in the parking lot and mega loud band noises inside. I mean to tell you, that church was Rocking.
I ran around to the side where of course there was a little cemetery to go with the church and ran smack into two men with shovels who were digging a big hole under a tiny green tent. They stared at me, and I stared at them. Uh, oh. I seemed to be in the middle of a funeral event.
The next thing I saw was the SUV stopping on the road beside the cemetery and an UNHAPPY Pretty was getting out to come get me. I barked to the two men and ran back to the safety of the church parking lot. Pretty was not amused and drove off. Hmm.
Then I saw a panting Slow walking toward the parking lot…and I sighed and decided to give her a break and trotted over to let her “capture” me. She picked me up and carried me to the vehicle that contained Pretty and TBO Chelsea and Spike. Hail, hail – the gang’s all here.
Plan B – one of us is on a leash
Pretty forgave me and was happy again
Slow didn’t let me out of her sight
I’m getting too old for this.
Get me outta here Percy.