Dear Amigos and Sports Fans in cyberspace,
I am writing you this letter to apologize for my lack of reporting on the Sochi Winter Olympics this year, but unfortunately The Red Man regrets he is unable to provide his usual succinct coverage of a major sporting event due to Olympic Denial at Casa de Canterbury.
If you will recall, we gave a feature story each day of the last Summer Olympics in London in 2012 and these were read by many Sports Fans in search of The Red Man’s unique perspectives. Thank you very much for remembering.
Alas, the old woman Slow is apparently controlling the TV remote and rarely clicks NBC and Bob Costas and Chris Collingsworth and Al Michaels – all of whom she admires but she did ask Pretty why a football player is in Russia to talk about the Olympics and why Bob Costas caught the pink eye over there and wears those creepy glasses. Pretty didn’t have an answer.
It seems the Russians have pissed off the lesbians at my casa. They are horrified by the extermination of The Red Man’s relatives by the thousands to make way for the Olympic visitors in Sochi and then they were further outraged by the anti-gay policies recently made up by a man named Pooting. No good comes from a name like that.
Hence, no clicks on our remote for coverage unless Pretty finds a story about an athlete who’s sacrificed for years to compete. We are adrift in No Man’s TV Land.
The Red Man wishes to salute all the athletes from around the world who have spent years in preparation for these events and sends them Paw Snaps and Twirls from the bottom of his heart. He hopes they stay safe and warm and find clean water to drink.
Get me outta here Percy,
The Red Man
P.S. Slow and Pretty are so brain-dead that they forgot to turn on the Westminster Kennel Club last night so we will have to make sure we record the Best in Show tonight to be able to do a special report on that Very Important Event at least… stay tuned.