Well Amigos, the old woman Slow and Pretty are up to their annual attempts at holiday decorating here at the old home place with their usual mixed results. I’d give them an “E” for effort.

The week of Thanksgiving Pretty brought in a ton of boxes with assorted ornaments, lights, pillows and different size Santas from her secret storage place in the back yard bodega; and Slow has been busy, busy this week taking everything out and placing things strategically around downstairs in our little living room. I mean, you’d think she was decorating Rockefeller Center with as much time as she’s spent sifting through boxes and placing things here and there, but that old girl just ain’t what she used to be and really, I have to tell you when you look around the finished product inside the casa, you might wonder what took her so long. I’m not complaining, you understand, but well…bless her heart.

So yesterday morning The Red Man was relieved to see the troops arrived to help with the outside sprucing. The first boots on the ground belonged to Bervin who has helped the old girls with their yards forever no matter where they’ve lived and can always be counted on to get things done in a hurry. Hooray! Bervin to the rescue.

The outdoor tree had been dropped off in the front yard two days before by the neighborhood association tree people who bring a fresh tree around every year to all the neighbors and Bervin agreed to set it in the ground for us after he finished raking the gazillion leaves that had been falling for the past few weeks. Bervin was going to be the busy, busy one. The Red Man had a little chuckle about the tree when he saw Bervin going to work on putting it up. He remembered seeing Squirrel Chaser Spike pee and pee all over the tree one night when he jumped the fence for a walk-about. Luckily, it had rained really hard the next day, but still…heh,heh.

Pretty had bought a small wooden tree at a yard sale somewhere in her ramblings, and she got Bervin to dig a hole for it near the big tree and put it there. It has buttons for ornaments, and Pretty thinks it’s cute and festive so she’s happy which makes everybody else happy at the casa. At least, it wasn’t on the ground long enough to be in danger.

After Bervin left, Pretty and Slow spent all afternoon working together on the lights for the outside tree which now stood at perfect attention next to the driveway. The tree did have a beautiful shape this year, and the two lesbians labored long and hard. After spending a good while trying strands and strands of lights from yesteryear, Slow told Pretty she was driving around the corner to the CVS to get brand new lights and just start over. Pretty said that was a good idea so off Slow went to the drug store.

To make a very long super boring story short, Slow made two trips to the CVS to buy the tiny white lights that are the regulation for the outdoor tree per the neighborhood association. She bought 4 boxes of 300 each because they were buy one box, get one box 50% off. (She loves a BARGAIN.)  So that makes 1,200 lights that she and Pretty somehow crammed on that medium size tree. It was dark by the time they finished and lit the tree.

The tree looked like a landing strip for a small airport with all those lights, let me tell you. But they were so thrilled with them it was almost pathetic. They so rarely are able to accomplish a successful project and the tree had been a genuine project for sure.  Then  they walked around and around  to admire it from every angle since every inch was covered with tiny white lights. Seriously…around and around several times.

When they came inside, they were jubilant and great congratulations went forth in the living room to one and all. Brilliant!

But then, as the Evil Christmas Angel would have it, Slow had to go back out to the tree to pick up a pair of scissors she had used to open the new boxes of lights. As she turned back toward the house with the scissors in hand, the unthinkable happened.

All the lights on the tree went dark. Yep. Every one of the 1,200 lights went out as if they had been unplugged – which they hadn’t. Woe is me. Shit house mouse. The lesbians were horrified and filled with dismay. Gone were the visions of sugar plums and O Holy Night which had become O Holy Nightmare. Sigh.

So we were THIS CLOSE to beginning to look a lot like Christmas – and then we weren’t. Jubilation turned to tears at Casa de Canterbury in the blink of a light…or 1,200 if anyone was counting.

Get me outta here, Percy…The Red Man has more to tell but will save it for later…stay tuned, Sports Fans.