WARNING: the Feds have finally caught up to the Old Woman Slow and Pretty and the chicanery at Casa de Canterbury and have put them under FEDERAL SURVEILLANCE. That’s right, Amigos. ET must have called home and given the Homeland Security folks Slow’s email address. Can you imagine the old woman’s surprise when she logged on to her ancient HP laptop this morning only to find a weird Red X in a box where her normal connectivity bars always are on the screen.

So she clicks to see if she has internet access, which she does, and then goes to the open access and sharing center and sees FEDERAL SURVEILLANCE in capital letters right in line with her other neighbors’ wireless networks. The Jones, the Smiths, the Masons and now the newest neighbor Federal Surveillance.

Well, Amigos, Misery loves company, as The Red Man is always fond of saying, and it’s just as true in The Middle as it was on earth. Since Chelsea was promoted, I spend more time looking over The Edge with the other singles whose Significant Others have moved happily up or regretfully down. Yeah, we keep each other company while we check out our persons of interest from Back When.

And speaking of persons of interest, our entertainment barometer at The Edge this morning went from Mildly entertaining to Wildly entertaining as the Old Woman Slow logged on and discovered that she was being tapped or traced or whatever is done to the networks of suspicious characters like Slow and Pretty. Shit house mouse. I laughed so hard I almost rolled over The Edge.

Pretty predictably scoffed when Slow gave her the latest news about their being watched. Does anyone remember her reaction to the Drone Event earlier this year…well, she thinks once again that Slow’s imagination has gotten the better of her and that FEDERAL SURVEILLANCE really doesn’t mean federal surveillance because what federal law person in their right mind would care about anything at Casa de Canterbury.

Slow replied that it was probably due to her reporting to the boy stacking the chips at Publix yesterday that the Cheetos  in the little six-pack bags were not fresh – hadn’t been fresh for weeks – because there were tiny holes in the bottom corners of the bags which let air in and made them taste stale even when they had a date indicating they were  fresh and tasty. Nay, nay. She knew because she had been checking the Cheetos six-pack bags and no longer buying them. She now bought one family-size bag, she told him.

The young boy had mumbled something about they had vendors that brought the chips in and he would have to talk to them the next time he ran into one to which Slow then asked him if he knew the Smucker’s Strawberry Jam and the Smucker’s Strawberry Preserves were one and the same. No difference at all…just different labels and neither version had real strawberries in them. At this point the young man said he didn’t stack the jellies – and looked away from Slow as if to indicate the conversation was over.

Pretty asked Slow if she thought Frito Lay or Smucker’s had reported her to the Feds? Slow said that was the only thing she could think of that would generate federal surveillance and warned Pretty to be careful about her Facebook communications which might also be watched by the Feds.

By this time my Middle Buddies who had gathered at The Edge for this prime time entertainment were losing interest and moving on to other Back Whens. Sigh. I confess I also had to leave Pretty to deal with Slow and her TV-induced paranoia. Good luck with that, Pretty.

Well Sports Fans, a word to the wise is sufficient, the Feds are everywhere so be careful what you send through cyberspace. A drone might swoop down, misinterpret (or correctly interpret) what you said and wham, bam – you are no longer under the radar. Uh, oh. Game over.