Define eternity. Oh, I know. It’s how long it takes to drive with Slow in an old pickup truck for a thousand miles. Seriously, you talk about boring. I am sick to death of Slow’s comments about how “beautiful” the scenery is. Sure it is, if you like seeing nothing but rolling hills, ranches with C-O-W-S and H-O-R-S-E-S, millions of pine trees, towns with two stoplights and interstates that go on forever. Oh my God, if I have to stop at ONE MORE Cheapo gas staion, I think I’ll bark incessantly!!! Frankly, I don’t have the energy.
And can we talk Rest Areas? I like to stop and stretch my legs every couple of hours and prefer the luxury of a nice public rest area with one of those Pet Walks that lead to nowhere but provide multiple sniffing and whizzing opportunities. Delightful breaks from the confines of the cramped cab. Well, here is some bad news for all of you who might be considering cross-country travel by car. Most of the Rest Areas are Closed. That’s what I’m talking about. Closed. For example, yesterday we drove halfway across the Missy State and part of Alli Babba before we Finally found a Rest Area for moi and Slow to stop for a few minutes. Thank you, Tuscawhatever for the nice Pet Walk. It was so nice Slow took my picture there. I always enjoy a photo opp when I look my best. But, poor Slow went to avail herself of the rest rooms and came back muttering obscenities because they were closed down due to the water being turned off. Heh, heh. I had to laugh at her. The old girl was undone.
And, thank you home state of South Carolina for the wonderful rest area you provide at your Welcome Center just across the state line from Georgia. Welcome to South Carolina, the sign announces, as we crossed the bridge at 5:30 yesterday afternoon and prepared to pull in for a final break on the home stretch. Oops! There’s just one tiny problemo. The Rest Area closed at 5:00, thank you very much. If you are coming to South Carolina, you are only welcome from 9:00 – 5:00. Evidently, you are not welcome at 5:30.
Oh, well. Not to be outdone, Slow found this marvelous place for our last stop. Some place called the Oasis Faith Baptist Church in some little town off I-20, and its sign announced “Trunk of Treats” for the upcoming Halloween Sunday festivities. How progressive of the Baptists to celebrate Halloween.
And so we ended our journey and arrived at our home in South Carolina last night. Congrats to the old woman for getting me here safe and somewhat sound! Hail, hail, the Gang’s all here!
More later, sports fans.