Well, well, well. Pretty and Slow went off to a Super Bowl party last night without moi and, needless to say, I was pissed. But, not to worry. The Red Man is nothing if not resourceful and all of us Pups watched with our babysitters who prefer to think of American football as a “lesser” sport to their futbol that, quite frankly, has much more to do with feet than our version. Whatever. Let’s not argue over semantics when it comes to the Super Bowl, ok?
The Super Bowl isn’t just football anyway any more. Oh no, oh no, oh NO! We’re talking Peep Spectacular to the Highest Power, Showtime with Shazamm! We’ve got the Super Bowl Week Press Conferences during the week BEFORE the Game. How many times do I have to listen to Peeps wondering if some guy named Maurice Pouncey will play center for Pittsburgh? Lots and lots and lots of times, let me tell you. Do I KNOW Maurice Pouncey??? Do I even CARE if Maurice Pouncey will play center on Sunday?? By the way, he didn’t play, and he looked very apologetic standing alone on the sidelines while his teammates carried on bravely without him.
We’ve got the Saturday Night Festivities spilling over into the All-Day Sunday Pre-Game Shows with old Peep coaches and old Peep players talking about the last forty-five years of Big Games and then, believe it or not, Mr. Ripley, we’ve got a Red Carpet TV Interview for Very Important Peeps who want to be seen as Super Stars with Sports Sensibilities!! Oh, yeah. Here’s Jennifer Anniston throwing a long pass to Michael Strahan. That’s certainly believable, right? Then, there’s Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Hmmm…well, maybe it isn’t a TOTAL waste of my time. Stunning. That’s the only word for her. I like it, I love it, I want some more of it!!
FINALLY, we bring the hullabaloo to a fever pitch and trot out the traditional Peep Songstress for the National Anthem which everybody always knows all the words to because it’s the same song every game. Same song. Every game. All the Peeps in all the stands in all the stadiums in the whole country know the words. All the Peeps and most of the Pups watching from their living rooms and bars across the entire nation know the words. Oops! There goes another rubber tree plant, ker-plop! Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Miss Prissy Singer just made herself up some NEW words for the Big Show tonight! Yessiree. That’s what I’m talkin’ bout – if you don’t like the OLD words that EVERYBODY knows, you can just sing you some NEW words, girl. You party!
You know how you get a bad feeling when you watch ice skaters and you are positive they’re going to hit the ice before they finish their routines? Or ballet dancers who teeter precariously on their toes? That was the same feeling I had watching Miss Prissy Singer with the National Anthem. I could see the signs of disaster from the minute she sang the first note. I was very nervous for her. Very nervous. Very nervous!
By half-time, I was a wreck worried about the Vegetable Group Peeps and their performance, but they dropped down out of the Jerry Jones Dome like four astronauts from Outer Space and had the Spangly Suits befitting the Occasion. I mean to tell you, they Sparkled! That Fergie was HOT!! And God bless her, she knew EVERY word. At least, I think she did – her mic wasn’t working too well, but when it was on, she was singing her heart out! Fergie Rocks! And that outfit was smokin’!
So, all’s well that ends well, as I always like to say, and the Big American Spectacular Evening was a rousing success for the Peeps and their Football Players and Fans. The Steelers gave it a Super Effort, but, alas, the quarterback suffered a few Super Setbacks. If they rated quarterbacks on how big they are, he would have won. But, the Packers capitalized on Pittsburgh’s problems and eked out a victory, as far as I can tell. Congrats to the team that won – the team that gave a home to former Gamecocks Sterling Sharpe and Robert Brooks in a time long ago and far away. The Pack is Back!
And so are Slow and Pretty. They came home at a reasonable hour and seemed more excited to watch the new episode of Glee than they’d been about the Super Bowl. I haven’t heard them say a word about it today, either. So I guess football season is officially over for another year. I’ll try to survive the loss.
Was it just me, or did Prime Time Deion Sanders look a little OLD last night?