Heh, heh. The Red Man triumphs once again! That Slow is a sucker for moi, and I FOOL her on a regular basis, so Ollie might as well keep on staring through the fence and look for me in his wildest dreams! Sucker, sucker, sucker. I am outta here, you fools!! Lickety split, paws pounding pavement, and ass flying in the air as I make tracks – there’s nothing like the feeling of running free!
This is how it all went wrong for the Peeps this afternoon. I saw Slow ambling outside with her keys, and I knew she had to open the gate in the backyard to get to the truck. Mistake Numero Uno. I slipped through the gate when she opened it, and the old girl didn’t panic because I’ve been slowly training her into thinking that all I ever wanted to do was jump in that rattletrap of a truck and wait patiently for her to take me wherever she was going. Mistake Numero Dos. Never try to pigeonhole a Welsh terrier. We’re unpredictable, unpredictable, unpredictable. I’m tired of going where SHE wants to go, and I’m thinking today’s the day to make my move.
Well, well, what do you know? The old woman isn’t going anywhere. She just wanted to get some things out of Pretty’s SUV, and she has her hands full trying to carry everything inside the house without dropping them. Now, here she comes to let me out of the truck so that I can run the ten feet from the gravel driveway into the backyard. I’ve been trotting obediently through the gate for the past few days for just this inevitable moment. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha! Foiled again, Slow. I believe this is what we call quid pro quo for putting someone in the Doggie Jail during parties? Catch me if you can! And I’m pretty sure you can’t! As a matter of fact, I’m going to stop for a few seconds and look back at you before I take off. You know why? Because I can! Adios, Give my Regards to Broadway and Pretty and Smiley Boy and the rest of the gang!!!
Hi, Ollie. Thanks for waiting up. Yes, it’s me, and the Smiley Boy is carrying me inside the house like a sack of potatoes, for God’s sake. Our friendship is in tatters, I’m afraid. He seems to have lost faith in me with my Great Escape. Sigh. Of course, I had a great run and don’t regret a minute of it, but I’ll have to admit I almost went too far. I crossed the Big Highway in a blur with cars zipping around me in all four lanes. Now, I ask you, Is all that honking really necessary? Then, I ran through town past the houses and churches and stores and cemeteries and I ran and ran and I ran through the briars and I ran through the brambles and I ran through the bushes where the rabbits couldn’t go. I ran so fast that the hounds couldn’t catch me, but this blonde woman caught me in the parking lot of Jim’s Hardware out on another Big Highway that goes to Richards.
So she makes all nicey-nice and says come here, you cute little dog. Well, I have to admit I’m exhausted and need a drink, and she seems like such a trustworthy Peep. The next thing you know she’s all over me and grabs my halter to make sure I stay put. Of course, she’s not alone, either. She has this boyfriend, if you will. Oh, for heaven’s sake, I’ve been rescued by Heterosexuals. Just my luck. Straight people in the parking lot of a hardware store and moi. I hope I don’t see anyone I know.
Such a perfect little dog to take home, the blonde woman says. What did you say??? I can’t go home with you, my dear. Look at the collar, look at the collar, look at the collar. I have a phone number that you call to get Pretty who comes to pick me up. That’s how this rescue thing works. I go HOME, and you get a thank you from Pretty and Slow. That’s right. Take a close look at the collar.
Yes, Ollie, I appreciate your concern, but here I am at home tonight with you, and all’s well that end’s well, as I always say. I may need some extra zzzzz’s on the sofa, but I’ll be up and at ’em again tomorrow. Never fear. The Red Man is here.