Take a good look at Mr. Smokey Lonesome out in the backyard, will you? Whenever I get home, I’m amazed he still pines for Daisy, the golden retriever next door. We’ve been living in Casa de Canterbury for two years this spring, and Ollie has loved the bitch next door from the day he saw her through the backyard fence. Yeah, if you’re looking for Ollie, you better try the great outdoors because there’s a good chance he’s standing guard facing east. And standing and standing and standing until he gets so tired he sits down and then sits and sits and waits and waits for a glimpse of the Delectable Daisy. Ah, the agony of unrequited love. Love is a Many Splendored Thing, ain’t it?
Stop! In the name of Love, before you break my heart…think it oh-ho-ver…haven’t I been good to you? Think it oh-ho-ver, haven’t I been sweet to you? What does that even matter when you get right down to it? Poor ol’ Ollie is a lovesick fool. I bet you he’d even give Daisy one of his mismatched eyes if he could. Hmmm….I vote for the blue one, Big Guy, if you have to choose one. That eye makes me very nervous looking all spooky at me. I’m never quite sure where it’s focused. At any rate, he doesn’t have to worry about making that choice anytime soon. He can stare at her with both eyes for all I care.
And what, you ask, does Daisy think about her potential suitor? Very mysterious, if you want my opinion. Daisy doesn’t get out as much as we all do because we tend to create a Very Big Scene along the fence whenever she ventures into her yard. I’m talkin’ Very Big Scene. It’s practically a Spectacle, and I must confess that moi leads the mayhem. As soon as I see her come around the corner, I start my barking and twirling and running up and down the fence behavior which assures Ollie will join in with his deeper barks and of course, Annie of the Permanent Cone Head because she licks her paw interminably, will bark along for the hell of it. Only Chelsea opts out and that’s because she goes flying back through the doggie door in hopes that Pretty and Slow will reward her for not participating by giving her a treat. Food slut. So, Daisy rarely lingers in her own yard, but I do believe she has a thing for Ollie. The Red Man has DogDar when it comes to Love.
And so, to all of you who struggle with the Love Bug tonight, I have a few rules for you.
1. Sniff first, and ask questions later.
2. Never let a little thing like a fence stop you. Fences were made to be jumped.
3. Try not to confuse the Love Bug with a Bed Bug, although they may bite you in the same place.
Finally, sports fans, throw caution to the wind. You only have one shot at Life, so give it your best one, and I hope you hit a Bull’s Eye. The Red Man’s pulling for you.
Nitey, nite. Stay warm.