Holy moly and Sweet Lady Gaga, Amigos. The old woman Slow and Pretty have truly lost it. Seriously.
Two weeks ago I overheard this bizarre conversation between the two persons who are in charge of my well-being at Casa de Canterbury. Warning: exercise caution as you proceed to read.
Pretty: “You know, we’ve always talked about being vegetarians and I think it’s time to try.”
Slow: “Well, yes, I know we’ve always talked about being vegetarians, but why now, brown cow?”
Pretty: “I just watched a video of a cow trying to run away from a slaughterhouse.”
Lengthy silence.
Slow: “I see. Okay. Point taken. It’s time to become vegetarians. No more beef.”
This conversation took place on a Sunday afternoon when the Tennis Channel had an obscure tournament on and neither Slow nor Pretty was interested in it.
The next day was Monday, and here’s how the new diet talk went.
Pretty: “I forgot Monday night is 25-cent shrimp night at Rockaways.”
Slow: “Do vegetarians eat shrimp?”
Pretty: “Hmmmm. I’m not too sure, but we can’t miss 25-cent shrimp night, can we?”
Slow: “Hmmmm. No, I don’t think we can. But I won’t get the hamburger steak with my shrimp like I usually do because I’m a vegetarian.”
So off they went that Monday night to Rockaways as their nouveau vegetarian selves.
Please. Well, after they came home full of fried shrimp, Pretty surfed the internet to see what she could discover about vegetarians and fried shrimp and what do you think she was able to find?
Presbyterians? No. Pescaterians. P-e-s-c-a-t-e-r-i-a-n-s. Apparently these are vegetarians who eat fish. So she spelled it out for Slow who was happy to be something that ate fried shrimp without a guilty conscience. Of course, she never wants to break a rule under any circumstances and feels guilty if she even lusts about it in her heart so now shrimp was an “allowable.”
Sigh. Shit house mouse. The Red Man has burdens to bear with these two. The next thing you know they’ll be looking for Pescaterian Dog Food. Help – we need our chicken and beef!
Get me outta here, Percy…bacon, bacon, bacon…I dream of bacon. Beware the ides of salmon, Sports Fans.
Red's Rants and Raves 
I prefer to be a Pupperonian, but to each his/her own. 🙂
Your Miss Poppy Seed (Who is wondering if there is a word for eating cheese and only cheese? Cheese Poppers? Google it, Ma!) 😀
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Yes, of course, any reasonable pup would prefer to be a Pupperonian or a Cheeseronian – ANY reasonable pup and you, Poppy, are nothing if not a reasonable pup. Thanks for the voice of reason! 🙂
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beef is good, and pork and shrimp and fish and and salads they go together like a dog and a bone.. yep
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My sentiments exactly, my friend. 🙂
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Loved your vegetarian story . Too funny. We have had similar conversations…ones that usually end in: “oh, I forgot we were vegetarians. I didn’t mean to eat that!”
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That is hilarious, Debbie! Thanks for posting…Pretty and Slow can picture that. 🙂
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Are you going to keep a running tally on how many days the old birds manage to stick to the new regime Red Man? 😉
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Regrettably, Pretty had a momentary lapse over the weekend – but a brief one. Of course, the old woman Slow is a stickler for a rule so she goes trudging along. She has, however, substituted sweets for meats. 🙂
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They should be commended but watch out for the sweets Slow 😉
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Thanks, but alas, advice on sweets for Slow is like asking the cat to avoid the canary…:)
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I toyed with going vegetarian, but dangit, I love a good steak. It’s a struggle. I’m a redneck, we love our grilled beef. Let me know how yours goes. I’ll be cheering you on. I think I would do better as beef eater that didn’t eat fish, but I don’t think that has the same impact. Dangit.
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Growing up in Texas we had beef, too, of course! I love a cheeseburger big time and an occasional steak but so far I haven’t missed it too much. We went with friends last night, and they ordered chicken wings – now THAT was a test…:)
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So,, are you still sticking to the vegetarian diet???? I am pretty much that but not 100%. I eat red meat about once every 2 weeks. My menu consists of chicken mainly.
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Yep – only veggies and shrimp for the past couple of weeks – my weakness is a cheeseburger…but so far have steered clear. I’ve always been a vegetarian in my mind, but being a Texan I grew up with beef so we’ll have to see! Hope you are feeling better today. 🙂
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Not feeling bad today, thanks
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That’s good news…I’m thankful.
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Haha, pretty funny! Yes, I don’t call myself a vegetarian because I eat seafood and a little bit of chicken. But I do say “I don’t like to eat meat.” It all happened after I attended a bull fight in Spain and saw how it’s REALLY done. No thank you. But then I am not a dog, but a human, and humans can eat chocolate. P.S. Ms. Tiger ate a strip of her Daddy’s bacon the other day. She weighs 6 pounds, so one strip of bacon is a lot for her. And besides who ever heard of a cat eating bacon? Maybe she thinks she’s a dog!
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Hi y’all! I put in my August post your blog mentioned when the U.S. Open comes on later in the month. How I just knew Red’s family “casa” would be cheering when the tennis matches start. 🙂
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Thanks for the plug! We will try to measure up to good form for our coverage of the US Open!! Although I have to say Pretty will be so interested in the world’s biggest yard sale that she may not be back home in time to give us supervision. BTW, I am stealing your Jon Stewart quote on values. Priceless.
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Last week I decided to cook my American room mates an English roast chicken dinner with Yorkshire puddings, gravy and mash. I went to my friendly local Italian butcher who has been so helpful and encouraged me to ask for everything in Italian but even he laughed out loud when I asked for a chicken without courage. I’d googled the Italian for guts instead of giblets lol.
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Now that’s a funny story, Charlotte!! Tells us how important our words really are!! Hope the roasted chicken and supporting cast were yummy!! 🙂
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