Pretty’s Gone

I’m left, you’re right, she’s gone.   I’m left, you’re right, and I’m all alone.   Well, not totally alone.   I do still have Slow, but Pretty’s gone, and I can see that Slow will border on worthless for a while.   Once again, the duty for creating pep in Slow’s step falls to moi.   Sigh.   But, who will step up to the plate to lighten this heavy load that I bear?  

I need a diversion, a diversion, a diversion.   Well, snap my paws and call me clever!   Maybe I’ll invite that crazy puppy Badger over to entertain me today?   Oh no, oh no, oh no.   I forgot that he’s figured out a way to escape our playground in the front yard, and when we play inside, he’s developed this mysterious attraction to my private parts.   Now, it’s okay when I am the top dog (literally and figuratively), but I draw the line at being humped by a mere pup!   Note to self:  Make sure that Slow gets front yard Badger-proofed immediately.   He escaped TWICE this weekend while Pretty was here, and everyone scrambled around to find the Unperturbed One and make sure he stayed close.   I hope he doesn’t become a Runner, like yours truly.   That requires tireless energy and cunning, and I think Badger has great potential, but I will NOT be outdone in the running department.   Nosirree.   No way, Hosay.

Part of my problem is I spent too much time in the laundry room while Pretty was here.   I believe the laundry room suppresses my creativity.   Of course, I got lots of pets and kisses and hugs from Pretty, but she and Slow were gone on Truck Adventures quite a bit, and I waited for them in the confines of a blue laundry room with an ancient white and black tile floor and one of those ridiculous baby gates they use to imprison me.   My Peeps drag those things with them wherever we live, for God’s sake.   Geez.   That is SOOOO Yesterday.   Don’t they even read the magazines for the newest innovations in pet prisons?  

At any rate, I waited and waited and waited while they went to see Grandmother Selma without me Friday.   I’ll admit that isn’t a trip I hated to miss.   That whole place gives me the creeps, if you want to know the truth.   Those people aren’t right on so many levels, let me tell you.   But, at least Pretty drove Slow down there, and I didn’t have to worry as much as I do when Slow goes without me by herself.   Plus, we all had pizza Friday night when they got home, so that was a treat.

Saturday they hustled me back to the laundry room when they went to some big family reunion thing at Slow’s cousin Jenny and her partner Maria’s house.   They were gone FOREVER, but I really couldn’t complain too much.   They were laughing and carrying on about having fun with their horseshoes and WINNING so many games and being the champions.   Ha, ha, ha.   To hear them tell it, they were like these Olympic Horseshoe Throwers or something.   I can’t imagine that they were all that good, but whatever rocks their boat.   I mean, seriously, they are entertained by the simplest things. 

  They got home just in time for all of us to see the end of the Gamecock – Kentucky football game.   That put them both in the depths of despair.   I always warn against an emotional investment in the Gamecocks.   They seduce you by beating the Number One team in the nation one Saturday and then losing to an unranked team the next Saturday.   Football Follies.   Curses.   Foiled again.  Now that will ruin a night for you.

Sunday morning I figured I was safe from being banished to the laundry room, but, no, no, no.   A thousand times no!   Off they went with our next door neighbor Jon and two of the Little Women of Worsham Street to have brunch over at the Dobbin City Hall Cafe, that hole-in-the-wall dive that they just LOVE.   Slow put on her cowboy boots for the occasion, if that gives you any indication of the kind of  establishment it is.   They were gone forever again.   Okay, now I see why this is getting ridiculous.  No wonder I’m feeling pressured to create some fun for Slow.   When Pretty is here, it’s like this tornado of activity strikes full force.   When Pretty leaves, she takes the wind with her, and we’re left with all this quiet and stillness.

Yep, we need a diversion.   I can see that for sure.   Hmmmmm….does farting count?   If it does, I’m your guy.   Heh, heh, heh.   My little joke for today.   No demand for that, but I really can’t help it.   Must be my new itch medications.   That’s what Slow always blames for any aberrant behaviors.   I’ll try it on for size.   Yep, it works.

Well, I’ll have to work on diversions.   I need a plan, a plan, a plan.   Maybe I’ll have more inspiration tomorrow.